Can't think...

Am querying.

Mind not working.

Must find chocolate.

Will return when sanity comes back.

Anyone seen a butterfly net?

Performance Anxiety

Everyone gets it in some way, shape or form. Getting up on stage to sing, reading aloud, giving a speech, I (close your eyes Scott) even get it in public restrooms. Some one comes in, and suddenly I can't pee! (Ok you can open them now...it's all over)

Right now there are a few areas where I am experiencing large bouts of performance anxiety.

1. Writing my query letter ... I know the words are there. I know the story is great. But every time I put my fingers on the keys my mind goes blank and the words disappear. I am pretty sure this has to do with my second issue.

2. Getting ready to query ... My book is almost complete and pretty and perfect. All I need to do is polish up some things and write that query letter. BUT once that query letter is written there is nothing stopping me from sending it out. I am terrified to send it out. What if it's not perfect? What if my story doesn't catch anyone's eyes? What if I get rejected.

Thus...procrastination. I'm getting really good at it too!!!

And alas, my final issue.

3. Blogging ... For some reason lately my blogging goes like this. I get all excited to blog. I do the happy dance. I sing a song. (This is a dramatization...Poppins does not actually do a happy dance or sing.) Then I sit down and open up my blog ready for my bout of awesomesauce to spill across the page. But it doesn't. I worry my post isn't going to be funny or it's going to be boring. And all those fun little things. Then I sit and I stare at the computer screen for large amounts of time. This is kinda getting in the way of productivity.

Performance Anxiety kinda sucks. (Especially when you REALLY have to pee! Sorry Scott, I couldn't help myself there.) But I am determined to get over it and forge ahead. Look I've already started. I'm blogging as we speak! (Ok so as you read this I will have already blogged so that's not entirely true, but you get the point!)

What gives YOU performance anxiety???

Recomendations and Agents

Husband Poppins My dear loyal and absolutely devoted, not to mention handsome husband (Is that better dear?) and I got in a chat about recommendations. He's big into Linked In. I like the site too, though it's not twitter. (Just sayin...)

On Linked In you put your resume up and connect with former/current employers and/or employees and/or co-workers. As you connect you are able to leave each other recommendations (As long as you have worked together in the past) and boost one another's credibility. It's an awesome feature and I don't doubt it helps in the hiring process.

Our conversation began when we started talking about agents I like and how I know some of their clients via blogging/twitter.

He said, "You should get recommendations!"

Now I think this a great idea, but I felt like 'eh'.

I explained that to me it seems like an unspoken rule between writers that we don't cross that boundary. Kinda like the unspoken rule that you never date your best friends ex. Or the one where it is mandatory to tell a good friend that they have food in their teeth.

Nobody flat out makes these rules, they are just kinda there.

OR maybe it's just me. I love my bloggy friends! I would never want them to think I am stalking following them just to earn me some recommendations. That is totally NOT the reason I stalk follow/read my favorite blogs and chat it up with my twitter folk! (Now in twitter language would that be Twolk? I'm totally trade marking that one!)

So what are your thoughts? Would you ask a friend for a recommendation before you queried their agent? If you have an agent, have you ever had anyone/everyone ask for a recommendation?

Please share your feelings. I am incredibly curious! (And I'd love to prove to the man that I am right about my unspoken rule that I may or may not have created all on my own)

And then it Hit Me...

Ouch!

Ok, nothing 'physically' hit me. I just experienced an epiphany of sorts last night while talking to my husband. Unfortunately this happens often as my husband is excellent at challenging my thoughts and emotions. USUALLY I believe it's called 'bickering', however, last night is more of a friendly discussion.

My brother sent me a link to a new website yesterday called Creative Byline. I can't say if it is actually a helpful website quite yet, but it did snap me out of my writing freeze. My mind is no longer on lock down! I noticed that they required an Outline. (Uh...what's an outline? Um yeah...I guess I haven't done as much homework as I thought I had.)

So I spent the afternoon putting a rough one together for my novel. This was one of the best things I have done in weeks. I say this because it REMINDED me how good my book really was. I haven't looked at it since it was finished and I began querying agents. After all the rejections I was losing sight of what I had created, a really great book! So as I'm telling my husband this he looks at me and says, "Do you think you are REALLY done with this book and ready for an agent?" And I look at him and it suddenly hits me...Not even close!

So here are some things I plan to work on in the month of June...

• My Outline - It's very rough and needs to be tweeked and probably shortened.
• A Synopsis - I know I've been avoiding it, but after reading Jody's post yesterday, it made me realize that the sooner I get it started, the better.
• Business Cards - Apparently everybody's doing it, I suppose I should to! I do like to be part of the "in" crowd ;)
• Finishing my Website ... which includes...
• Writing the dreaded Biography. I'm not sure why I find it so difficult. But I can't stand sitting there and writing about ... well me! (Please no comments from the peanut gallery.)
• A Book Proposal - Again, after reading Jody's post yesterday, I figure it's better to at least have a rough draft now to save time for later.
• Finally Polish my "Elevator Pitch" so when people ask what my book is about, I can stop looking like they just asked my to recite the entire Encyclopedia.
• Look through my manuscript ONE MORE time to make sure it's perfect and possibly revisit my first three chapters, I'm not sure they are getting the job done.
• When finished, print out my Manuscript and make it look pretty!
• Put together a portfolio for me and my manuscript (I should write a poem about 'me and my manuscript' ... it sounds so catchy!)

That's A LOT of $h!t!!! And here I thought I had nothing to do!!!

Our goal... Did I just say Our? Why yes I did...my husband has shown himself in a whole new light and I have realized that he is just as excited and dedicated to my career as I am. He even suggested I spend MORE time working on it *GASP* So OUR goal is to get me ready as if I were going to a Conference. Even though I cannot afford one right now, we have decided we WILL make it happen next year, regardless of our financial situation. Have I ever mentioned how much I LOVE my husband?

So what from this list are YOU missing on your current project? Do you have have more work to do than you realized?

I Had a Dream!

Not the MLK kinda dream...but it was foretelling (I hope) just like his.

I had a dream that the woman who has my manuscript wanted to represent me. Although in the process she also wanted me to cut out my first 2 chapters and re-write half the book. But Representation nonetheless!

Does that worry you? Do you fear your book being completely altered once you have scored that long awaited agent? Do you fear it will become unrecognizable? Will it be worth it?

What is your stance on this? Or am I just completely over exaggerating the process?

~~~

As I am pressed for time today due to a class field trip (in the rain...oh joy!) I am postponing the contest results by one day, as am I postponing the next 3 Gnome Award Winners. Tune in tomorrow for your winner and their prize!!!

Feeling Victorious!

I only wish it was because I had gotten "The Call" from an agent as my awesome fellow Blogger Jody Hedlund did yesterday. (Congrats Jody!!!) BUT I still made it over a large hurdle. I have perfected my query letter...and I LOVE IT! That in itself is immensely victorious!

So here is how I am feeling right now....



My head is spinning and moving at light speed. All I can think about is which agents to query and how to find them and how many agents I should send it to and and and and... I am feeling super light headed (possibly because I am hungry though...tough call there) and I am beyond euphoric.

Have I gone crazy? How did you feel when you pushed out the query letter that made you jump with excitement?

***Are you scared of how I'll react when I do get "The Call"? Because I am!!!***

**UPDATE! Got first FULL Manuscript request!***

There is Only One Thing Left to Do

It's finally that time kids ... I've written, I've edited, I've pruned, I've rewritten, I've moved chapters, I've edited some more, and edited again ... and now it's time. The only thing left to do...

...*Poppins pulls her hair out, breaks into a cold sweat and screams!* ...

The only thing left to do is write the query letter.

I have painfully realized through my first attempts at query letter writing, that I am indeed not very good at it. Well let's be honest, I'm horrible at it. My novel comes off as silly, superficial and uninteresting when I try to summarize it. The novel itself, not so silly, superficial and uninteresting. Does this make me a bad writer? Am I suffering from lack of oxygen to the brain? (No need to answer that one kids...) Why is it so hard to summarize 80,000 words into 250?

...*Poppins sighs (Loudly!) and places her wrinkled forehead in her tiny child sized hands*...

I've read ALL the blogs and articles I can find on it, yet I still can't seem to perfect it. And seeing as I AM Desperately Searching for my Inner Mary Poppins, you can guess that my Query Letter is not leaving my Inbox until it is PERFECT! I'm just not sure how to get it that way yet.

Can you help me? PLEASE SHARE WITH ME YOUR SECRETS! I like secrets! (No not the secret about your co-worker's husband's affair with the secretary's sister who was once a man, or the one about your brother's uncle's monkey that just got out of Banana Rehab, and I do NOT need to know that you pick your nose and pee in the shower... ) Tell me your secrets to Query Letter writing! I need all the help I can get!!!

... *Poppins gets down on her knees and begins to beg with her pathetic blue eyes turned into a puppy dog fashion*...