Poppins as compiled by facts and numbers...

I've decided there are some facts, statistics, and numerical things you must know about me. I'm not sure how or why I have decided this, but the decision was made this morning when I dropped my phone...

Fact Number One - I have dropped my phone and estimated 329 times in the last 6 months, which is about 123% more times than the average cell phone owner. This is the reason why I do NOT own an iPhone.






Fact Number Two - If I consume one container of Raspberry Sorbet (it must be the Meijer Brand...) at any given time, I will then proceed to consume at least 17 more containers in the following month because one container simply can not fulfill the craving. Because of this, the sales for Meijer containers of Raspberry Sorbet go up at least 15% with each month that I crave this desert.


Fact Number Three - If I put off the laundry for more than 5 days I will then have approximately 50% more laundry than anticipated and exactly 99% less motivation to fold it. For this reason it took me 2 hours to fold laundry for a family of 5 yesterday.


Fact Number Four - The number of gnomes owned in my house - 3 to be exact, unless you count the picture my father gave me for my birthday, then there are 4 - is not proportionate to the number of gnomes I NEED to own. It's about 412% less.



Fact Number Five - If I invite friends to a Pity Party there will be an abundance of chocolate and not nearly enough Margaritas or Wine. The portion of Wine and Margaritas to chocolate is off by at least 50%. I will remember to bring more booze to the next Pity Party, while at the same time I will keep in mind that the chocolate will be properly taken care of.



Fact Number Six - Now that School has started I am now in the car driving 25% of my day at the very least. This is exactly 24% more than I would prefer to be in the car which in my ideal world would only be 15 minutes. Regardless of whether or not the mathematical equation works for this scenario is not important.



Fact Number Seven - I've written approximately 1 and 1/8 novels. The average number of novels written by a writer who scores an agent is 5. So if I spend 12 hours a day every day of the year writing I may possibly have an agent in the next 5 years, however this does not equate to the direct number of brain cells that will in fact be destroyed in the remaining 12 hours of the day where I have gone crazy. Due to this fact I probably will not publish a book until I am at least 47 years old.

Fact Number Eight - As shown by this craptastic blog post, it is obvious that I have spent too much time (at least 2 hours a day which is only 75% of the preferred amount) reading "An Abundance of Katherines" and am now thinking about everything in theories and equations. It is possible that maybe I will go back to being normal once I have finished the book, but the probability is unlikely!



There...I feel much better now that you know these things about me. Sometimes it's just good to get things off your chest! (We won't even go into the numbers and statistics about my chest and/or lack there of......)

Tour de Chateau Poppins

Welcome to Poppins Palace. Come on in, let me give you a tour! I hope the motes didn't give you too much trouble...we've been working on them all week!

(Don't worry about taking your shoes off at the door, my carpet magically cleans itself every four hours.)

As you walk into the foyer you will see a big winding stair case to your right, a long hallway straight ahead and a den off to your left. Let's start with the den shall we? Great!

In the Poppins den you will see a vast array of bookshelves filled to the brim. You will see one bookshelf dedicated to Harry Potter and the Twilight  *Update* Hunger Games Series. This bookshelf is off limits. Do not touch or remove these books from the shelf or there will be penalties! However...do feel free to peruse the remaining bookshelves, especially the one directly to your left that holds all my published works. I'm so excited that Penguin Books *Update* Harper Teen decided to sign me! (Big Dreams)

As you can see, although it was sunny and warm before you entered my palace, the windows clearly state that it is raining. The weather did not change that quickly. Instead the windows in the den rain on a 24/7 basis to instill a calm and soothing atmosphere perfect for relaxation and reading. This room even smells spring fresh. Breath in a wiff....ahhhhhh....smell the fresh cut wet grass!

Moving along....Yes, I know...I find it hard to leave this room as well.

We will walk directly upstairs now to see the next relaxation room. The stairs were built centuries ago, but don't be nervous, they are very sturdy! I've tripped on them a few times myself through the years. These are unbreakable these stairs are!!!

You are now entering a large studio like room with one small room branching off to the right. As you can see the canopy bed holds at the very minimum 284 pillows (each is ALWAYS cold on both sides...) and has 3 down comforters covering it. For maximum sleeping potential the room becomes a steady 55 degrees every evening and white noise automatically sounds from the speakers above. The room darkens the minute you make contact with the pillows and the sunny windows again turn to rain. Its ingenious I tell you!

To the right you will see the bathroom. Feel free to stop in and take a moment to look around and if you need to use the facilities go ahead. Notice the LARGE whirlpool in the center of the room, complete with waterproof Kindle and surrounding candles. The speaker system has a large library of all music and at least 2494 different play lists to fit each mood. This bathroom is especially spectacular because like the carpets...it cleans itself.

If you would follow me down...hey you...don't you even thinking about stopping on my bed!!! Come now...follow the rest of us. You can grimace all you want, but this is MY palace!

Down the long hallway you will find 3 doors. One leads to a small boring but self cleaning bathroom. It would be ridiculous to walk upstairs every time you needed to go! Plus then you'd be tempted to take another bath and seriously....who needs like 4 baths a day! Talk about the wrinkled fingers!

So to your right is my kitchen. This room is not self cleaning, however it comes with 3 chefs and one maid that cleans up after them. Notice the 32 cupboards which house all my dishes, wine glasses, margarita glasses, martini glasses, etc. as well as the 10 by 10 walk in pantry where I can actually store all my food! Please don't pester the chefs, they are making my lunch!

(Did I mention that not only are they absolutely gorgeous, but they all speak with Brittish Accents as well?)

You'll see the dining area attached to your left here. This dark cherry red wood table is from 17th century and is scratch and stain resistant. Feel free to sit down if you are getting thirsty or hungry. I'm sure my 2nd chef can whip us up some quick cheesecake.

Well now that our bellies are full (who requested the cheese fries again....oh...*blushing* that was me wasn't it) Let us continue to the living room across the hall. OH I know it looks like a movie theater...but look, my computer desk is over there in the corner next to the big comfy couch, so I prefer to call this my living room. I've got connections so I have every movie imaginable, even the ones that just came out in the theater. Here put on these 3D glasses. Let's watch Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince!

Thank you for visiting my happy place. I hope you enjoyed your tour. Please come back for dinner sometime. I taught my chef how to make my Alfredo sauce and I have a vintage 1940's bottle of Merlot in the cellar I've been dying to share! Maybe I can even show you the gardens or the tennis courts out side next time. There just isn't enough time in the day to do the outside AND inside of my happy place :) (Did I mention the pool boys have British accents to go with those rock hard abs too?)

Is Coffee the Key to Success?

I read a post this morning called "Why I Drink". Well if you are a mother, there is not need to inquire further upon that statement. If we have children, if we have husbands, if we have pets....it's impossible to make it through the duties of wife and mother without a LARGE glass of wine from time to time. (Can I get an Amen!!!)

Then I began to think about my own mother. Although I do remember there being a box of White Zin, (Why yes, I did just say a box. My mama was classy!)I don't recall seeing her drink NEARLY as often as I've witnessed most mothers to do these days. Granted my mother was practically a saint....or so I believed and chose to continue believing... So I questioned this. Since current day mothers now get by with our wine, how did my mom do it? EPIPHANY!!!! She drank coffee! Sigh........

I have, for many years now, been REFUSING to become a coffee drinker. Although my nose perks up and I and savor the scent every time I come in contact with that evil enticing liquid, the moment it makes contact with my mouth I have a natural reaction to spit out the entire sip. (Serious question here! Why does coffee not taste as wonderful as it smells? That's deceiving!) But in addition to the sludge flavor, I refuse to evoke a new addiction. I've had friends, family and co-workers try to convert me. My response being, "I will NOT give in to your peer pressure!!!" (Way to sound like a seasoned teenager eh!)

But back to thinking about my mother, and all these mothers...and heck, let's take it a step further, all my new found internet friends, blog writers, blog readers, mothers, aspiring authors, etc.. There is one thing in common with each and every one of you. Yes, you guessed it! You are ALL evil coffee drinkers! *GASP* I mean seriously, one of my favorite blogs, Pajama's and Coffee, even has the damn word in her title!!!!

Am I truly that naive? Have you all been trying to convert me for better reasons than just peer pressure? Have I been failing to answer the call to the best little bean to hit the earth? (Seriously...It hits the earth, it grows...ok bad joke!) Why have I been fighting so hard? **Bows her head in shame**

So here is the real question kids...answer truthfully...is Coffee really the secret to success? Does it truly make you a better writer, mother, wife, etc....? Tell me....Tell Me...TELL ME!!!

Red Wine is like a Prepositional Phrase....

"How?" you ask....well let me explain....

1. Sometimes it sounds good, at others it doesn't. Unless you are a member of my family, then most always it sounds wonderful! (The Red Wine, not the Proposition) But if you are not a member of the fabulous wine drinking family, the question lingers. Same goes for Prepositional Phrases. Sometimes the word THAT just sounds so damn good! What if I want to use it???

2. They are both my enemies! They creep up on me when I'm not expecting...throwing everything off. Especially balance. Confused? Prepositions have the tendency to throw off the balance of a wonderfully written sentence. Too many that's and had's and if's and of's! It's crazy THAT I think THAT after I just HAD a glass of wine THAT I just drank. Now tell me there is balance in the previous sentence! Red Wine...well let's not talk about how horrible my balances becomes after a few glasses.

3. There are times when I am not sure when to use either. It's 4:30 on a Thursday afternoon and the week has been long. Each day has been marked by either a sick child or a naughty son who has been sent home from school. The question is, do I wait until the clock strikes five? Or do I just uncork that seductive bottle of Shiraz and sip it down as though it were water and I had been stuck in the swealtering heat for days without even a drop of sweat to quench my thirst? It's a tough decision. Same goes for those tricky little propositions.

Example....
What did you step on? You can't say, "What did you step?" You need to say, "What did you step on?" to make a grammatical sentence.
Although to be true to gramatical form, should you really be saying, "On what did you step?'"

Seriously! This is going to take years to figure out! (The Prepositions, not the Red Wine...)

Do you have any advice? Any tips?