Showing posts with label How To. Show all posts
Showing posts with label How To. Show all posts

Jul 10, 2009

How to NOT go crazy while dealing with your children during Summer Vacation

(My first attempt at a "How To" Article)

Things You'll Need:
  • A closet with a door that closes
  • A pillow
  • A glass of wine
  • A bathtub
  • Soothing music
  • Candles
1. Breath. This step is easier said than done when your children continue to chase each other around the house and refuse to refrain from screaming and arguing, but with much concentration, it can be accomplished.

2. When the screaming and arguing becomes intense, instead of yelling at the children who for some reason only feel that there is one Lego man that they ALL need (even though there is a box full of them), quietly grab a pillow, walk to the closet, shut the door and happily scream as loud as you can into the pillow until you feel slightly relieved.

3. If all fails wait until your husband arrives home. Greet him and swiftly walk away, leaving him surrounded by the monsters.


4. Pour a LARGE glass of wine.


5.At this point it is important to lock yourself in the bathroom with some candles, the tall glass of wine and take a bubble bath while listening to your favorite/soothing music.

6. Repeat as OFTEN as necessary.


* WARNING: Do not over drink while in bathtub, it is not safe nor recommended.

Jul 9, 2009

Writing a How To Guide

I recently (as in 5 minutes ago) joined the eHow website as a way to earn some extra money while at the same time being able to write. Here are some of the topics they suggested I write about...

How to Wra
p Hair at Bedtime

How to Wrap Hands How to Write a Thriller Script

How to Write an Adult Film


How to Write an HTML Email


How to Write Bb Clarinet Music


How to Write Greeting Cards


How to Build a Fiberglass Overhead Console


How to Soundproof a Bedroom


How to Touch Up Car Paint


How to Wear a Baby Sling


Sadly I do not know "How to" do ANY of these things, unless you count pulling out the nail polish to cover up the scratch you put on daddy's mustang the same as touching up car paint. Yes even the Baby Sling eludes me. I just carried my babies. And although writing about "How to write and Adult Film" sounds enticing. (About as enticing as writing about "How to pull of your finger nails") I think I am a bit lost.


If I am sticking with things I DO know how to do, then my list is going to look a bit more like this...

How to Choose Which Color Pen to Edit With (Pink of course!)

How to Travel with a Gnome by Your Side


How to Sweep a Floor 10 Times a Day


How to Put off Doing the Laundry All Week


How to Drink a Glass of Wine

How to Convince a Four Year Old to Take a Nap


How to Annoy Your Husband (by Writing All Day instead of Cooking Dinner)


How to Pull of a Clean House in the Last 10 Minutes Before Your Husband Gets Home


How to Eat a Tub of Raspberry Sorbet in One Serving

How to Prepare for the Harry Potter and The Half Blood Prince Movie


How to Microwave a Hot Dog


Now THESE things I could write articles about....do you think I'm on the right track?