We interupt this blog break fo an important question!

Ahh summer... Heatstroke, lemonade, sprinklers, bathing suits, beaches, bikes...

Bikes...sigh...the downfall of my existence right now.

Since we moved, the little ones now have a place to play and sidewalks to explore. Thus, this summer, they have learned to ride their bikes without the training wheels (sans five-yr-old). And so what do they want to do ALL day and ALL night?

You guessed it, ride their bikes.


Now I'm all for them getting the exercise and such. But riding their bikes means being out front. And paranoid mom in me says they shouldn't be out front unless I'm out there to watch them. Sure I can see them and hear them from the window, BUT not all the time. I mean they aren't going to just ride two feet and turn around.


So alas, what's a paranoid mommy to do????


At what age did you finally let go and let your little ones outside without your 100% supervision? Mine are 5, 7, and 9 and I just can't do it. I just can't stand the thought of them being out there alone.


Am I in need of a good slapping? Or are there others who share my pain?

When Tuesday acts like a Monday

My Facebook Status:

Marybeth Poppins Dear Tuesday, I know we fought today (a lot) and I want to apologize. I'm sorry you are such an @$$. Maybe next week you can be a little nicer. Just a thought....

Yesterday was one of those days. One of those days where the kids don their selective hearing skills, 7yr olds decide to bounce off the walls because apparently driving mom up those very same walls is entertaining, new computers get shipped without an operating system, and daughters beads get watered then spread across her bedroom floor. (And when I say across bedroom floor I

mean from wall to wall)

I may or may not have had a glass (or three) of wine last night for the first time in over four weeks. Then I sent the kids to bed and fired up ye old Xbox360 for a little Lego Harry Potter. I'm not really sure any of that happened in that particular order....

So today is Wednesday and already I'm feeling like I may just be able to be friends with this particular day. So far it's provided me with a working new computer, children with only semi-selective hearing, a wee little bit of extra sleep, and a smores pop-tart.

In honor of my Wednesday offering up a pop-tart, I have updated my facebook status:

Marybeth Poppins Good morning Wednesday. You seem to better than my than my Tuesday which was really disguised as a Monday. So um, if you behave it's possible I'll give you a cookie. (and if you don't behave it's also possible that I'll kick you in the face....but that's not a threat. I promise!) (or maybe it is...) PS...thanks for the pop-tart!

Let's see if Wednesday is motivated by cookies shall we?

What my kids and The Hunger Games have in common...and a super cool announcement!

Do you have kids? Have you ever been around kids? (More than one...one doesn't have the same effect.) Well if you have, you KNOW how loud they can be. And when you are trying to finish up your super awesome Epic Edit, loud = BAD!

Yesterday was made of lot's of loud. So in attempt to get a break from all this loud I decided to send the monsters outside.

FAIL!

We have a wonderful new fenced in backyard that I entirely adore with every little speck of my "Oh my god I'm a mother in need of silence, let's lock the kids outdoors" being. (Not that I actually lock them out, but I may or may not have considered it at one time or another.)

So I'm all, "Hey kids, you should go play outside!"

Kids, "YAY!! Mom is great! She is the most fabulous mom made of spectacularsauce EVER." (I may or may not have added some (or at least 13) of those words myself.)

They go outside and I crack open my window so I can hear them and keep an eye on them. And I kid you not, it was like I'd been placed in front of my TV in District Nine and I was watching The Hunger Games Yo!

My deck was the Cornucopia and my kids were all fighting over which weapons (and when I say weapons I mean walking sticks, pop can cases, and dodge balls) they were going to get and beating each other off to get what they wanted first. I could almost picture my little Bean (my daughter) as Katniss diving for her bow and arrows. (AKA Nerf Darts)

So I yell out the window to them. "Put that stick away." and "Stop hitting your brother with that box!"

But the games continue. They race around the yard like 3 little starving tributes fighting over who will be the first to leave the island. (Oh wait...that's Survivor isn't it...well, same difference) I just shake my head in defeat. There is no getting rid of loud for me.

"Mom, I'm hungry," my youngest calls out.

I consider tossing a few packs of fruit snacks out there. Kinda like my 'peace offering', but then I picture all The Hunger Games tributes killing each other over a loaf of bread and decide maybe that's not a good idea.

So I yell out to him, "I think there are some wild mushrooms in the yard. Maybe you can shoot that squirrel over there? But you're totally on your own kid!"

Some or all of this story may or may not be made of complete facts. But that does not disparage the fact that it FELT like it happened like this...

In other news. If you are a KidLit writer (a writer of a book with an MC 18 or younger) you MUST check out this Epic News!!!!

AWESOME ONLINE CONFERENCE MADE OF COMPLETE WIN!

These girls have just announced a FREE online conference they have put together. Check out the website and all their blogs. They are giving away TONS of prizes. I like prizes.

Elana's Blog

Jamie's Blog

Shannon's Blog

Lisa & Laura's Blog

Casey's Blog

In which I talk about my opinions of Koolaid and their possible relationship to writing and/or parenting...

OH YEAH!!!!


Sorry I couldn't help myself there.

It never fails, I'm laying in bed last night attempting to sleep and my brain says, "But WAIT! I have some ideas."

And I say, "Um I'm trying to sleep here!"

At which it replies, "But these are really good ideas. You should totally take your daughter to get her hair cut after here First Communion. Isn't it funny that she wants a blue extension. Ha ha ha. OMG do you remember..."

"Yo Brain, I'm getting annoyed...though seriously...it is kinda funny."

"No seriously! Remember that time you died your hair with Kool-Aid when you were 13!"

"Oh yeah! And then the mom at the slumber party we were at got all mad and one of the girls told her it was her shampoo that did it. Good times..."

So I'm kinda laughing at this point...

"Dude! You should write a facebook post about that!"

"Um yeah, I'm trying to sleep here."

I sigh....the brain reminds me that my Crackberry is right next to my bed and convinces me to do a tiny quick little post.

Marybeth Geer-Smith I miss The Great Bluedini. not only was it the best Kool-Aid flavor ever, but it was also an excellent hair dye.

And THEN it has the tenacity to correct me!

"Oh come on Marybeth, you know that Kickin Kiwi Lime was the BEST Kool-Aid flavor ever!!!"

Good point...Kickin Kiwi Lime was totally the most rockin flavor ever.

So um here is the point where I tie this whole Kool-Aid episode into writing and/or parenting.

...

Um...

......

So writing is like Great Bluedini Kool-Aid, you start drinking it and you think it's the best thing ever!!! But THEN someone places a big fat glass of Kickin Kiwi Lime in front of you and says, "Try this, you won't regret it!"

But you say, "No! This Great Bluedini is the best there is!"

And they say, "Just try it!"

So you do ... and you can't help it, it's better. Well not only is it better, it's Fantastic!

It happens. We write something wonderful and think we could never do anything better, but then we do. We scratch it out and write something phenomenal. And that's ok. As long as we aren't afraid to try that new flavor (aka technique).

As for parenting, give your kids Kool-Aid. It builds lasting memories. And it's ok if they die their hair with it. It washes out. I promise!

So every time I pass the Kool-Aid isle I look for Kickin Kiwi Lime, always end up disappointed though. Now they only make flavors like Watermelon Cherry. UM HELLO! Nobody likes Watermelon Cherry! (Ok so I've never tried it ... I suppose I should give it a try.)

A Question of Intense Interest

I was not sure if I was going to write or not today, considering my mind is still in query mush mode, but then I came across some tweets from yesterday that got my mind going and I felt the need to post.

I was going to apologize for sharing this personal information with you, but in all retrospect, I don't feel sorry about it. I can't help who I am, and I rather like who I've become as a result of it. Please note however that I am not looking for sympathy, I am just looking for an answer.

That being said...

Through a series of agent posts I noticed a couple (unnamed) agents saying they wish they would see more books about children/teens with mental illnesses and psychological disorders.

This struck me as odd.

As a person with a very serious (and unfortunately misdiagnosed through most of my life) mental illness myself, I don't understand the intrigue. Growing up with bipolar disorder was difficult and depressing, especially as it went untreated until I was 17, then mistreated until I was 26. I've lived a life of making poor and irrational decisions while on highs and lows. Decisions that have left me with a world of messes to clean up as an adult.

To make matters worse, this disease is genetic, leaving me feeling incredibly guilty about my 7 year old son who was recently diagnosed with bipolar disorder as well. Watching him is heart breaking and a nightmare. It reminds me of things I felt when I was young and as a parent makes me feel terribly helpless.

So my question is, why would people want to read about any of this? What would be entertaining about reading the experiences of a child struggling with depression?

Do you understand the intrigue? Would it interest you to read a book of this nature?

If you see me on a Milk Carton...

You may have noticed on your blogs lately that I have been a little MIA. With everything going on in my life lately I have barely had the time, or the concentration, to write a blog. So reading and commenting have been even more difficult!

I'm almost done with my WIP and plan to start querying next week. So this week I am doing the final run through of my MS, write my query (which is coming along WAY better than I anticipated) and writing a synopsis. All that in between real life, which on it's own has been super hectic and drama filled.

My priorities look something like this...

Family (Which is demanding A LOT of my attention these days)

My MS

Blogs

Twitter (Which may weazle it's way in between my MS and Blogs...but come on...it's Twitter!)

So if you see my face on the back of the Milk Carton, know I am still here. I still love you all. And I am perusing your blogs at every chance I get.



Do you ever feel too overwhelmed to get everything done? How do you order your priorities? Have you had to push any to the side lately to get things done?

Editing vs. Parenting

I've come to the conclusion that editing a manuscript is indeed very similar too parenting a child.

What? You don't see the correlation? I can prove it! Seriously!

Both keep you up ALL night!

• Manuscript -If you aren't attached to the computer screen taking out all your passive sentences then you are up thinking about how to show your readers that Jane was angry instead of telling them. I mean seriously, it's not enough to just say Jane was pissed off. Instead we need to show the fire in her eyes and the throbbing vein pulsating above her left eye!
  

• Children -It can all be said in a matter of few common complaints. "But I'm not tired!" and "I'm thirsty." or "It's too cold." and "It's too hot." and don't forget "I had a bad dream can I sleep in your bed and toss and turn and kick you in the face all night?"

Both refuse to listen...

• Manuscript - MS complains, "But I don't want remove any more words from my pages!" I reprimand, "Seriously MS, how many instances of the word 'that' do you really need?" MS will argue, "But look how pretty all of them look on page 12." In which I will argue back, "You will remove at least 11 'thats' or I will remove them for you!"

• Children - Child complains, "But I don't want to clean my room!" I reprimand, "Seriously child, I can't even walk in the room without stepping on 12 legos and breaking my foot." The child then argues, "But those are my special legos, I can't put them away or I'll lose them." In which I reply with, "You will put those legos away or I will throw them away."

Are you seeing the similarities yet?

Both require books upon books to learn how to do the job.

Both require massive losses of sanity.

Both require gobs of time.

Both get in the way of my time on Twitter!

And BOTH give me a headache!

Luckily I am so incredibly devoted to both jobs that I would never give up on either. Lucky book and kids! What would they do without me?

(Though without both I'd probably have a lot less #windinmyhaaaaiiiir!)

No Peek Chicken (I totally should have peaked!)

I got a recipe from a friend yesterday for dinner. It sounded delicious so I thought I should definitely try it. PLUS (bonus item) I had all the ingredients which is amazing given it was two days before grocery shopping. So here is the recipe...

You take about 4-5 chicken breasts, season to taste and set aside. Then mix together 2 cups of rice, one can cream of mushroom soup, one can of cream of celery or chicken (doesn’t matter) and ½ soup can of milk and a half pouch of dry onion soup mix (do not add water to the mix) put it all in the bottom of a well greased 13x9 baking dish, put the chicken on top and pour the rest of the onion soup mix over the chicken (the onion soup mix is KEY to the recipe). Cover with tin foil .Bake for about 2 hrs or until chicken is done.

Sounds good doesn't it! So there were some spots where I did get slightly confused.

Like ... one can cream of mushroom soup, one can of cream of celery or chicken ... I wasn't sure if this meant I should add one can of cream of mushroom soup WITH on can of either cream of celery or cream of chicken OR if I could just use one can of any of the three. But did I bother to ask? Not a chance. I'm an experienced cook, I knew what to do. Just one can...definitely just one can....

Also notice there wasn't a temp to cook at. Well I did ask, she said 350 and so I decided if I did it at 375 it would cook faster! (Experienced cook talking here)

So I whip it all together and throw it in the oven.

Now here is what you need to know about me and rice. We don't get along ... at all. Not even a little bit. My rice is usually watery, hard and slightly undercooked and/or burnt to the bottom of the pan. Over the years I have learned to master minute rice BUT this recipe did not say anything about minute rice, so I used regular brown rice.

So dinner came around and ok...I totally peeked a couple time to make sure everything was going ok and to check on the rice. I checked after an hour, rice still hard. I checked after an hour and a half, rice Still hard. I checked after two hours and the damn rice was STILL hard. And lucky for me, so was the freaking chicken. ARG!!!

So I pulled the dang meal out of the freaking stove and served it up. It was kinda like a crispy rice/dried up chicken type of meal.

Here's the best part.... my kids loved it! While my husband and I are all,

"Do you want the rest of my chicken?"

and

"Oh no, you eat that chicken, I don't want you to be hungry."

and

"Maybe you should give me a little extra corn."

My kids are all,

"Daddy I'll eat your rice!"

and

"Is there any more chicken!"

Seriously! I give these kids beef stew (cooked perfectly...not rice like) and they won't touch it. Chili takes at least an hour to choke down two bites. But burnt dried out chicken and burnt undercooked rice is like the best meal they've had all year!

Needless to say, I'm still hungry.

So as an experienced cook I came to a few conclusions...

1. I should have used two cans of cream soup.

2. I STILL can't cook rice.

and

3. If in doubt, ask for clarification on the recipe!!!

Come read about my new book idea!!!

Click Here!

So who is being punished again?

Discipline and Punishment ...

Funny little things.

Both meant to teach our children (and/or adults) order and keep them on the right path.

So here is where I am having an issue.

Poppins, "You are being naughty, you need to please go sit on your bed right now."

Child, "I don't want to go sit on my bed."

Poppins, "I'm sorry you feel that way, but I wasn't asking, I was telling." (The only time in my life where telling is ok...sorry....writer joke)

Child, "But I want to watch TV."

Poppins, "And I want a million dollars, you don't see me getting my way. Now go sit on your bed."

Child, "But that's boring."

Poppins, "Exactly"

Child, "But....."

And so on and so forth until eventually ... you know what comes next ...

Tears

Screaming

Fits

Meltdowns

You know ... the kind that comes shrill cries and screams of "I don't want to!!!" and "You always make me sit on my bed!!" and all sorts of other things that are not true but still make the hairs on your back stick straight up.

In the mean time you are thinking...

Chocolate

Sunny Beaches

Happy Places

Patrick Dempsey... I mean Peaceful Serenity

And all this happens in about 1.3 minutes but feels like 12.9 hours.

This is how punishment and discipline happens in my house. Fortunately we were graced with a particularly difficult child and no matter what the punishment, the battle of wills rages on before it is ever carried out.

I love it...I love setting up consequences that punish me more than my children.

I'm not really complaining a whole lot but mostly just laughing at how torturous lovely parenthood is. Its just been one of those weeks over here in the Poppins household. Me of all my forceful and cruel tactics of making my child sit on his bed or pick up his room. I'm practically the meanest parent alive!

Do you ever find yourself the one being punished in the midst of discipline?

What if He was a She? or She was a He?

While lying in bed last night ... (ok I totally just wrote 'I was lying in bed last night' and then deleted it because it was too passive....am I a writer or what!!) ... so while lying in bed last night I was thinking about all my writer friends (it's not what you think, I promise!) and all the blogs I read and thought it was funny how there are two Natalie's.

Then I proceeded to think about how I love the name Natalie, so much in fact that if my son would have been a she instead of a he I would have named him Natalie.

Then I thought about my other two kids and remembered what their names would have been had they been born the opposite sex.

So here is a run down of my kids names had they been born ... well not as the ultrasounds had promised!

Logan would have been Natalie

Preston would have been Annabelle

Mikayla would have been Ethan

Sometime I get sad that I didn't get to use the other names, but at the same time I don't feel like I could have used them on any other children. Am I a strange carrot or what!?!!?

So you tell me, did your children have alternative names? Did YOU have an alternative name?

Oh and Happy Birthday to my little Preston (almost Annabelle) who turns 7 today!!!!

But there are Starving Kids out There!!!

I write one comment on a blog and it totally gets my noodles pumping. Why can't that happen every day!

So my dear writer friend Jill (Check her out ... she Rocks!) is talking about underestimating things ... time being one ... food being another. I mean I'm sure none of you have ever underestimated how much food you intended to eat. I know I do it pretty much every day have never done something like that!

Then I made a comment - trying to come up with a good excuse - that my mother always made to me as a child.

"There are starving kids out there!"

Which was always followed with,

"Do you think they'd want to waste their food. You should be grateful for the food you have."

After which I would think,

"These peas suck, do you want me to put them in a box and ship them to the starving kids? Cuz I'll totally do it. I've got no problem with sharing!"

So after making this 'starving children' comment I started thinking...that is the most horrible comment EVER! I mean think about it. In a matter of words we are saying something insanely inappropriate.

"You have tons of food and these kids have none. So be happy that you aren't a poor starving child with nothing and in remembrance to those children... Eat up!!!"

Seriously?!?!

Now I don't know about you, but in reality this thought makes me completely NOT want to eat. There are starving kids out there. They don't get to eat, but I'm suppose to go shove my face with food (whether I like it or not) and rationalize how this is somehow helping these kids.

Is anyone else bothered by this? Granted when I was 6 or 7 years old I totally understood what my mom was trying to say, but now that I'm an adult ... I find it slightly entertaining that our parents said this to us thinking it would get us to eat our food.

Ahhhh Parenthood. Full of ridiculous threats and irrational comments! Isn't it grand what comes out of our mouths at the spur of the moment?

Now you better comment on this blog or I'll tell your father and you won't see the TV again for at least a year! And during that time you'll be washing the floor with your toothbrush!

Toddlers are Trouble

I wanted to start my Flash Back Montage with an old memory, but as I was reading Billy Coffee's Blog this morning I flashed back to a shared memory of me. One I do not recollect, but my father loves to remind me of.

One afternoon my mother was out and about and my dad was home watching me. As with most two/three year olds, afternoon time meant nap time. My father graciously tucked me in, gave me a kiss and headed downstairs to do his own thing.

About ten minutes later there was a knock on the front door. My father walked over, not doubt irritated to be interrupted from his task.

"Hey Bob," the neighbor said politely.

My father smiled at the neighbor and noticed giggling to his right. He reluctantly followed the neighbor's arm down to see me bopping up and down with giggles.

One can only imagine the look on my father's face at that moment in time. I know mine would have been full of guilt and embarrassment. How could he not notice his child leave the house!?!?! (I was pretty darn sneaky!)

But it gets better....

"Thanks for bringing her back," my father thanked the neighbor.

"Yeah it was no problem," he says. "But you better keep a better eye on her. I found her playing in the middle of the road."

GASP! (Apparently I was an adrenaline junky as a young child!)

My father scooped me up, probably yelled at me a bit and put me back in bed. When he came downstairs he locked the front door and went back to his task. (Or TV show...probably a race or football...that is what men do when we're gone isn't it!)

Five minutes later there was another knock on the door.

"Hey Bob," the neighbor said.

"Road?" my dad answered.

"Yep," the neighbor replied.

Needless to say ... nap time was over! Score one for the toddler!

This was the best bike ever. It was my mini Big Wheel! I ROCKED!

Hope over to If You Give a Girl a Pen for my new Post!!!

Because I LOVE to read!

I've recently found myself confused. I THOUGHT I was a writer, but as of late I am better known as a reader! That's all I do. Read, read, read, read, read!

This is how my day goes..

I wake up. (Ok that was a given...)

Drive the family taxi to drop off most of my family members to an area where they can not bother me while I'm reading (AKA School and Work)

I come home (You saw that one coming too didn't you!)

I Blog (Because it IS necessary!)

I read

I feed the last lingering family member lunch, fix myself lunch....(ok ok...then I play Bejeweled while I eat lunch...but that's not important. It's like a daily action necessary to function...kinda like going to the bathroom!)

I put the lingering family member (AKA the youngest child) down for "Quiet Time"/nap time so that I can....get this....READ

I read until he wakes up and/or starts begging to get out of bed so he can go play, which ever comes last....

So then I force myself to pick up the house until I have to get back in the momobile and pick up my reading distractions (AKA the older children)

At this point I make them do their chores and homework while I do one of the three following things....help clean (rare), play Bejeweled again (because remember, it's like going pee, it's necessary to function!) or well...I read

So then I pile everyone back into the Poppins Portal Device (AKA the Family Taxi and/or the Momobile) and pick up the last reading distraction....the husband

BUT I always leave early enough so that I can bring a book and read in the car while I'm waiting for him :)

Then I come home again (Again....kinda obvious)

I feed the slave drivers...cuz I guess that's my job....sigh

I attempt to pay attention to the family...I really do, but usually I'm thinking about the book I'm reading (Shhhhh don't tell them)

Then I put all my distractions to bed and the husband and I curl up in bed with our books and proceed to ignore each other with a good book until we fall asleep.

NOW if only I could put that much time and dedication into cleaning or writing I'd be quite accomplished...BUT right now, I'd rather read :)

(So um yes, if you need my address for the "Worst Mom/Wife of the Year" award you are planning on sending me....it can be found on google...just type in "Mary Smith" and um....good luck with that!)

For a list of the books I've read in the last two months (which is quite impressive I might add) visit my Web Site

Also, don't forget to visit If You Give a Girl a Pen today!!!

Trees ... A Post Created by a 4 Year Old

Out of sheer lack of creativity I caved and asked my four year old what I should blog about this morning. His answer....

Trees

I found this answer to be very insightful and interesting. A lot can be said about trees. They provide oxygen and shade, they are big and beautiful, sometimes they even smell good. Oh and lets not forget that they provide the PERFECT place to build little houses in. Tree houses rock!

My BFF from high school was nick named Tree. (And sadly...12 years later that is still what we call her)

Then we discussed what time of the year trees are our favorite. I threw out fall - when the trees are red and orange, spring - when the trees are bright green, and winter - when the trees are bare.

My favorite is a toss up between fall and spring. I love driving down the road and seeing the lush color coming from all the leaves. When I was young we used to go on "Color Tours" as our Sunday outing. (ya know ... before gas cost a bazillion dollars a gallon) Still, after a LONG winter with absolutely no color to my tress I find myself longing for that bright green foliage. So much so that I was more than happy to travel to NC a few years ago just to see green!

But my awesome four year old said, "I like it in the winter when the trees are covered in snow."

I hadn't even thrown out that gorgeous option!

So now that autumn is falling upon us, what is YOUR favorite time of year when it comes to trees?

(Hey...at least he didn't ask me to post about butter!)

AhhhhTo Be 4!

I was observing my youngest son this morning and I suddenly became jealous watching how lovely his life is and I came up with a list of reasons that I wish I was him....

Things I could do if I was 4 Again

1. Nap in the middle of the day...seriously, 4 year olds do NOT understand how lovely this privilege is!

2. Find enjoyment in board books with like 10 pages...oh....wait....I still do....

3. Have someone buy ALL my clothes and food for me! (Granted SOME of the clothes are hammy downs....)

4. Spin around in circles for about 15 to 30 minutes straight and be completely entertained the entire time.

5. Use a rocking chair as the ultimate playground. Who needs a park when you have a big wooden chair that rocks back and forth like a teeter totter!

6.When happy with something I could totally just start screaming and crying and it wouldn't be even a bit out of the ordinary.

7. Have my own chauffeur for every place I needed to go.

8. An abundance of fruit snacks.....YUM

9. No need to work...the most work expected of me would be to learn how to spell my name

10. My world would be a musical. I could sing EVERYTHING!!! It would be like living on Broadway!!!!

For my writer Friends ... Help me ... I'm lost!!!
www.marybethsmith.com

Home Schooling and Me

In my last comment of the day yesterday Jessica Nelson over at Booking It asked me if I home schooled.

My Answer... Oh goodness I'd never do that to my children!!!

Now I could be wrong (I'm NEVER wrong...) but I have a feeling my readers MIGHT be entertained to know why I am not fit to be a home schooling mom. Don't get me wrong, I think I am pretty decent mom 92% of the time, but I am in no way fit to school my own children.

Why? Funny you should ask! I've decided to give you ...

The Top 10 Reasons Why Poppins is Not Fit to Teach

1. To my great disappointment, apparently BeJeweled Blitz is not a government approved subject. (Although it COULD be an elective?!?!)

2. I'm not sure that an education based on literature, English, grammar and spelling alone would get them very far in life. Granted I can add and multiply, once you get past the basic stuff....eh...it gets kinda shaky!

3. I don't do Science. I don't find anything cool about bugs, dead frogs, homemade bombs, electrons, chemistry, planets, earth, etc. in even the smallest amount.

4. I had to ask my husband what war Gone With The Wind took place during and, "That was before World War II right?" Thus my expertise in history...slightly lacking

5. I need a break from my children. I can't take 365 days a year of "Stop touching me!", "I didn't do it!" and "You're gonna break my Lego House!" I. Just. Can't. Do. It!!!

6. Did you know that kids are noisy? Or is that just my kids? I'm really more of a "quiet" person.

7. I could be wrong...but I think it takes effort to school the children. That doesn't really fit in to my plans to spend the fall and winter being super lazy.

8. I wouldn't want to put teachers out of a job. After all, they go to school for all that stuff. Pay massive student loans. And see I am so awesome that if I home schooled my kids...everyone would want to home school their kids and then tons of my friends would be unemployed! (Though that would free up a little more time for them to return back to Blogger...I'm not that cruel!)

9. Is Harry Potter a subject? Cuz I'd be SUPER good at teaching it! What about the History of Gnomes?

10. So um...my kids don't listen to me....like ever. I tell my child NOT to touch that and after about the 5th time....well yeah, he's still touching it. How can I teach a child who ignores me?!?!

So those are just a few reasons why I would not be fit to teach my children. The list does go on and on, but I don't want to bore you :)

NOW please don't think I am anti-home schooling. I have a sister, neighbor and sister in law who have done it quite effectively. BUT I am not the right kind of mom to do it. It takes a very special woman to do it...and although I'm special in MANY ways (mostly in the ways of awesomeness!) that is just not one of them.

So to simple answer your question Jessica, No, I do not home school my kids!

How I KNOW it's Monday

It starts out quietly, I'm sleeping, having a dream about being in a singing competition with Brittany Spears and low and behold, she gets disqualified....for lip singing. (Didn't see that one coming!) And then it happens ... the alarm goes off! Push snooze once, irritated because it was so nice to have just turned it off all weekend.

Fall asleep again, this time not long enough to remember a dream before the alarm goes off again! UGH

Small bicker between me and the husband about how he should get out of bed.

And now I'm awake.

Husband hands me the lap top and I check all my blogs and my emails and TRY to stay relaxed. I figure if I ease into the day things will go better. But alas, impossibe!

Shirts are missing, must go for a treasure hunt through the laundry. Kids are up and wanting to eat, but as I enter the kitchen I see that dinner is still on the table! UGH That's what I get for staying upstairs and reading all night directly after dinner. Someone didn't do their chores...

And then it happens. 8:30am. I don't know what it is about this time of the day but it never fails. Every Monday morning at 8:30am they start.

"Give me my car back!"

"Stop touching me!"

"Don't do that, you're going to break it!"

and in perfect three part harmony, "MOM!"

After I hear that three letter word - and the creeping sensation runs through me as though I'd just heard nails scratched against a chalkboard while seeing a nest of spiders sitting on my bed- I KNOW it's Monday!

On being Cliche'.....

Lately I have often heard the word Cliche' being thrown around. Unfortunately one particular toss of the word was used towards my MS. Not a happy word to me. I decided I wasn't really SURE what exactly the word meant. So I did what any unknowing, uninformed person would do...I Googled it!

Per Wikipedia -

A cliché (US: /klɪˈʃeɪ/ UK: /ˈkliːʃeɪ/, from French), is a saying, expression, idea, or element of an artistic work which has been overused to the point of losing its original meaning or effect, rendering it a stereotype, especially when at some earlier time it was considered meaningful or novel. The term is frequently used in modern culture for an action or idea which is expected or predictable, based on a prior event. It is likely to be used pejoratively. A cliché may sometimes be used in a work of fiction for comedic effect.

Ok...so um...not too happy about it being used towards my book, considering I THOUGHT it was quite the original idea...sigh

But let's make sure I am understanding this word correctly. Here are a few examples I have put together that are "cliche'" with a possible remedy for each.

Cliche' - Driving in the car with children ... them saying "Are we there yet?"

Remedy - I was quite impressed when my children decided to break the mold and instead say "This is taking too long!"

Cliche' - The question given by husbands and children around the globe, "What's for dinner tonight?"

Remedy - This could be easily remedied by just asking, "What can we make you for dinner tonight mom?" See how original that would become!!!

Cliche' - Folding Laundry

Remedy - Ok...so um...there is no remedy just yet for that...BUT there is no denying it's a Cliche' idea!

Cliche' - Having to FORCE my children to clean their rooms

Remedy - Having children that do not make a mess of their rooms and when they do they pick up the toys immediately after.

Cliche' - TV Shows about Doctors and Hospitals

Remedy - TV Show about Dentists! (Capitalize on THAT NBC!!!)

And the number one Cliche' statement used more often than it should...drum roll please...

Cliche' - This is a very subjective business and I am afraid your novel is just not right for us at this time.

Remedy - Please send me your full manuscript along with your prospect advances and we will get your book/movie deal going immediately!

What???? I've got a point, you can't deny it!

But do you see what I see? Sometimes there is no way around what is Cliche'. Sometimes what is Cliche' just happens to be what works. So is it really Horrible that something about my book may or may not be Cliche'?

A Dish to Pass

Day two of the Harry Potter Marathon begins in one hour! I can't believe the 6th movie is less than 48 hours away!

*Poppins squeals in delight*

So we are going over to a friends for a play date and to watch the 3rd and 4th movies since we watched the first 2 over here on Friday. The kids are excited to go play in a basement full of toys that they do not own. (Not to be confused with us locking the kids in a dark dreary basement as we watch Harry Potter...just saying...)

As a play date tradition the hostess makes lunch and the visitors bring a "Dish to Pass". Love this tradition, especially when lunch isn't at my house. Nothing better than getting out of one of your daily chores!

Driving back from dropping my hubs off to work I decided that there is nothing in our house that is "Dish to Pass" worthy. I know a trip to Meijer is in order and I decide to ask the boys (daughter is at the In Laws for the week) for ideas.

Older son says, "I don't know mom, the only side dish I like is Apple Sauce."

Fair enough. Kind of an odd thing to bring. I pushed them for more ideas.

I said, "How bout some fruits or veggies."

No Response.

"No more ideas then?" I asked.

"We should bring butter!" Younger son exclaims.

How to NOT go crazy while dealing with your children during Summer Vacation

(My first attempt at a "How To" Article)

Things You'll Need:

• A closet with a door that closes

• A pillow
• A glass of wine

• A bathtub

• Soothing music

• Candles

1. Breath. This step is easier said than done when your children continue to chase each other around the house and refuse to refrain from screaming and arguing, but with much concentration, it can be accomplished.

2. When the screaming and arguing becomes intense, instead of yelling at the children who for some reason only feel that there is one Lego man that they ALL need (even though there is a box full of them), quietly grab a pillow, walk to the closet, shut the door and happily scream as loud as you can into the pillow until you feel slightly relieved.

3. If all fails wait until your husband arrives home. Greet him and swiftly walk away, leaving him surrounded by the monsters.

4. Pour a LARGE glass of wine.

5.At this point it is important to lock yourself in the bathroom with some candles, the tall glass of wine and take a bubble bath while listening to your favorite/soothing music.

6. Repeat as OFTEN as necessary.

* WARNING: Do not over drink while in bathtub, it is not safe nor recommended.