My Awesome Weekend!

There are two major words that do not go together well in the same sentence...

Me

and

Renovation

But as most stories do, let's start from the beginning.

This beginning starts with a toilet ... a very old toilet.

The Husband (I so enjoy calling him "The Husband"!) and I had been dealing with a leaky toilet for over a week when I (The Wife!) said, "This is enough! It must be fixed!"

We should have left it alone.

So the toilet was so old that all the bolts and metal parts and pieces were corroded onto the tank.

Toilet - 1

Poppins Family - ZERO!

He said, "I'm going to need a pipe wrench."

So I get another bright idea after well over an hour of The Husband cussing and swearing and trying to break these bolts off.

"Why spend more money on more tools!" I rationalized. "By the time we get done buying parts and tools for this stupid commode we are going to have spent too much money."

And this is a very rational statement mind you...but what came out next may possible have been a slight bit .... I think crazy is the word I'm looking for here, but I'll totally go with insane!

"Lets stop wasting our money and just go buy a dang new toilet!"

Apparently The Husband thought this was a good idea too so he plopped the old toilet off and what we saw wasn't exactly pretty. (So graphic in fact that I decided not to include the pictures. I don't want to go scarring young eyes and then get sued and ... well you get the point)

The toilet has given us an Epic FAIL here. It must go!

So off to the lovely Home Depot we go. I opted to stay behind, but The Husband thought I should go for moral support.

Husband FAIL

After we picked out our Glacier Bay High Efficient Toilet with an 8 rated flushing power ...


... I say "Lets go look around!"

Have you ever been to the Home Depot? Do you know what's there? Thousands of home improvement projects just screaming to be done!!!

NEVER under any circumstances do you EVER say "Lets go look around!" at Home Depot.

Its like an alcoholic saying, "Lets just have one drink!"

But we go look around. And Poppins (that's me) bless her naive little soul gets such a great idea and says,

"Lets re-tile the floor too!"

Poppins FAIL

Ok bear with me...I know this is getting long but the disasters that take place after this point are well worth the novel length post...

We pick out our new floor tiles, you know, the awesome peal and stick squares! They rock! We chat it up with some customer service reps about what we might encounter and they give us two scenarios.

The existing linoleum is either

1. Glued only around the edges and should be a breeze to remove.

or

2. Glued through the entire way and may take some scraping to get up.

But he also adds that sheet linoleum is rarely glued the entire way!

Customer Service Rep EPIC FAIL!

Not only is the existing linoleum glued through the entire way, but it seems that someone had a massive glue spill in the process of laying it down. That's right friends this stuff is not budging.

And the best part....

There is not only one layer of linoleum super glued to our floor, no, that would be way too easy. There are TWO layers of awesome over glued funness (this a a word today... no need to question it) stuck onto our super awesome bathroom floor.

How lucky are we!

It gets better...

While we are checking out just what we have in store for our Toilet Installing Extravaganza we notice one other little problem.

The 'Toilet Flange' (Oh my goodness how hilarious is that...Toilet Flange... Flange is a great word to begin with, but when coupled with Toilet! Fantastic!!!) was corroded and it was an absolute mess underneath that area.

So the flange is busted, the glue is over powering and the Bathroom is a MESS!

Oh and did I mention that the pipe that feeds the water also has a leak! Sweet lord of home improvement awesomeness, how could you love us so much!

So......two more trips to The Home Depot, two days of glue scraping, one afternoon of tile cutting (did I mention that my bathroom is NOT square?) and possibly a few tears later ... we have a newly tiled floor and a toilet sitting in our living room.

Yep that's right...we still have more work to do.

And I was kinda thinking it would be really cool to put in a new sink, repaint the walls and put up a new towel rack!

Seriously....why stop when we are having so much fun!

(So....did any of you think I was going to talk about something else????? Cuz you are so going to have to wait for that news!)

Getting Pretty FAIL

I have an obsession with the best make up store ever! Ulta is like a little piece of heaven on earth.

I was shopping for new foundation one afternoon after deciding maybe I needed a break from the whole powder world. I spotted some Skin Matching make up and thought it looked interesting enough. Why not try it!

Skin Matching foundation is a "Weightless foundation that goes on white and self-adjusts to match your exact skin tone. In 5 shades with a flawless finish."

I go to put it on the next day and start rubbing it in.....

When I was finished, I looked like this...


(...without the green hair and white eyebrows of course...oh and I didn't really have a manly face. That would be some REALLY interesting make up!)

Last I looked, without make up on....not so orange. Skin match FAIL!

The best part is...this is the ad!


Why yes...that was DEFINITELY Beyond Natural!

A Smith Family Night Out

One of the websites I belong to, Moms Like Me, had an event yesterday at the Children's Gardens. I thought it would be a wonderful way to spend the evening, plus there was Free ice cream. (or vice versa)

After deciding to stop at Wendy's on the way to the event for dinner (GASP!!! Yes that's correct, I DECIDED to stop at Wendy's all on my own.....well ok, AFTER the "So....what do you want to do for dinner?" conversation. But still! It was my idea!) I got the kids ready to go. I wanted to pretty much walk out the door the minute the husband walked in it. Yesterday was a very dull and uneventful day and I was BORED!

The husband arrived home just as I remembered that I did not print out the directions. Crap! So I rush to the computer ... right after I had just shut down the browser ... and try to open up Mozila. It was like the computer stared right back at me and said "FAIL!" UGH...It took over a minute to get that stupid browser open. I mean didn't it know I was in a hurry???

I finally printed out a map to the place and a map to the suggested parking area and we headed off on our journey.

I should have taken the browser issue as a clue to how the evening might go but ... always the optimist (or something like that) ... I did not.

So Wendy's ... went off without a hitch ... ordered off the dollar menu (trying to be frugal and all) and fed 4 people for $14!!! Who Rocks? Oh yeah ... I do! We sit down, I set my purse on the floor, we eat, we get full, we go pee (avoiding any porta johns later) and we head off towards Free Ice Cream!!! Um ... I mean ... Children's Gardens!!!

This is where it all begins!

Now I must mention that this is all on a College Campus...a LARGE College Campus. Being on a Large College Campus it was not difficult for me (the one who decided I knew where I was going so I better drive) to get lost quite easily. Well ACTUALLY I wouldn't have gotten lost if I wouldn't have listened to my husband who told me I couldn't enter on a road I could enter...but we won't go there. So we looped around the campus one time. Then I said, "Look! See I told you I had to go that way!"

Cricket Cricket

We drive up to the supposed "Free" parking ramp and they are counting down their tills. I double checked and indeed it was Free! YAY! Score another one for Captain Awesome here in the driver's seat!

Um yeah....there's no one in this parking ramp... No moms with crying babies. No toddlers running into the middle of the road. No whining 6 year olds. No one. That's weird! I swear the thing said to park there???

Husband growing skeptical.

So we start walking and I look on the map and I say, "We need to walk back towards where we drove in."

Husband says, "So what you are saying is that we didn't park near the event?"

And I reply, "No, we parked in the FREE Parking ramp."

Husband says, "Are you sure we shouldn't be going THAT way." as he points in the opposite direction.

"Of course not," I said. "The map shows it over THERE!" Duh!!!

Somehow at this point I notice I'm not carrying my purse. I must have left it in the car...no big deal. One less thing to worry about.

So we start walking in my direction ... and walking ... and walking ... and there are no gardens, no children, no babies, no mommies...no one.

Husband nearing full skepticism.

Luckily my dear friend and her family were meeting us there. So I get her on the phone and tell her where we are and, as she laughs at me, she says, "You should have walked in the other direction AND there is tons of parking right here at the event."

Cricket Cricket

How to explain this to VERY skeptical husband ... without receiving the inevitable "I told you so!"

Not possible.

So my little map looks up at me and says "FAIL!" And I looked down at it and say "It's all your fault!"

All points for Captain no longer so Awesome deducted at this time.

So we walk and walk and walk back to the car. As I get into the passenger seat ... because my driving rights had been revoked ... I look down and notice that I did not in fact leave my purse in the car.

Horror rushes through my body.

Wendy's ... Purse on the Floor ... CRAP!!!

"So um..." I begin "I uh...left my purse on the floor at Wendy's"

I think at this point it is safe to assume that my husband has decided I have completely lost my mind and he was probably considering whether or not Bejeweled Blitz does in fact have a diminishing effect on my brain cells.

We get in the car and head to Wendy's ... I call my friend and explain the issue ... I think she may have laughed at me again ... or maybe that was the husband ... or the map ..

THANKFULLY after I retrieved the lost purse that was still on the floor next to our table as a woman looked up at me and gave me that look that said "Crap...that's no good. You should never leave your purse in a fast food restaurant." and I had looked back at her as if to say "Shut up...you've probably done it too!" we arrived safely at the Gardens (after passing by it once because we still didn't quite know where it was) and enjoyed our evening and our Free Ice Cream, oh, and the Gardens.

So I've got these excellent directions and a map to find a treasure on an Island in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. Anyone want to come? I'll navigate!!!