Aug 26, 2012

New Obsession ... Photography!

I started a new blog ... What? Like that's REALLY surprising?

Well I've recently become addicted to photography and decided to share that addiction with the world. Why? No clue.

 But here's the site ...

Go over and LIKE it :) It will make me all sorts of smiley!

Aug 9, 2012

Generating Novel Ideas

I have exactly 2 weeks to come up with a new idea for a book. I know I know ... I totally JUST finished the first draft of Stumble and Fall, but I joined a writers group and this is my first assignment.

In the past year or so I've had some great ideas while sleeping that I wrote done and then reread only to fine ... yeah, not so great.

The two I recall the best are about fire and water. One where the world has been flooded and life after the flood. The other where the sun is burning the world and life trying to survive and keep what they've rebuilt from burning again.

Super cool dreams.

Pretty lame when it comes to book plots.

So I'm trying not to rely on my dreams since I'm obviously NOT Stephani  Meyer and I don't have visions of Sparkly vampires while I slumber. (Which in all reality, this does not bother me a bit!)

But where do I procure these ideas from? Seems like right now I'm going to have to just pull them out of my arse at the last minute. But what fun would that be!

Where do YOU procure your novel plot ideas? Please share your secrets!!!


Aug 7, 2012

Feeling Crafty with Nothing to Craft! Bollocks!

My sisters are all sorts of craftiness! Like ALL SORTS!

My oldest sister, AKA Miss Charlotte (found at does the domestic gig. She can make dinner out of an onion and a block of cheese and somehow make it taste like spaghetti! She sews like it's her job ... wait ... Well anyway, she sews like a goddess and makes the most fantastical things EVER ...

See this dress?!?!!

It's my daughters first communion dress and it's absolutely GORGEOUS!

Then my other sister, Becky ... Rebecca ... Beckster ... what have you ... (found here all sorts of awesome!


Are they freaking talented or what?!?!

And me ... sigh ... well I just write and create websites. Kinda boring if you ask me. There's nothing visually stimulating about a book! LOL

And websites, meh ... they're okay (I did do the one! but um it's totally all my sister's art, so I can't really take the credit for it's awesomeness.)

SO .... I find myself wanting to create something with my hands. Something fun and pretty. Something fantastical.

However ... I can NOT sew. My stitches tend to look something like this ...

 The extent to which I can paint ... Well ....

Yeah um ... Thank goodness my daughter isn't an art critic!

And although I CAN cook ... sometimes ... I'm not particularly fond of it. So what does that leave me with?

Well today I shall find out! Tell me kids ... what SHALL I create? Hmmmm???


Aug 3, 2012

What? You're Depressed for no Reason? Rubbish!!!

I think that there is a common misconception that one must be going through tough times to be depressed, and/or at the very least have something to be sad about. Sure, this is true to a certain extent, but it's not the whole truth.

It's no secret that I have bipolar disorder, and I'm not (usually) ashamed to admit it. However, I think there are many people out there that don't really understand what it means. In particular, what it means for me to be depressed.

The difference between my depression and situational depression is that I don't usually have a reason to be sad. My life can be wonderful ... and actually it rather is ... yet I can still be found in a pool of tears and not even know where they are coming from. (Okay well they are OBVIOUSLY coming from my eyes ... but I meant the cause is usually unknown)

The other thing that is quite different from the usual depression is that it makes me angry and cranky all while at the very same time making me hopeless and full of despair. There is no rhyme or reason to how it comes out, it just is.

During a specific episode today, I posted on facebook ...

"I'm about ready to pay someone $50 to cheer me up. Ready . Set . Go! (hahahaha ... see that was funny cuz it's impossible!!! lol)"
What I got from this statement was a plethora of people trying to propose ways in which to cheer me up while also refusing my offer of money. What the didn't seem to understand that it was truly the statement in the parenthesis that really rang true for me.

During a depressive episode there is almost NOTHING anyone can do to cheer me up. I don't want to get on the phone and talk about it because that will just make me cry and crying will only make me feel worse. I don't want company because I know I won't be good company and that will just make me feel bad. I don't want gifts because I don't feel like I deserve them. And I don't want showers of compliments because no matter how nice they are, I don't believe them. What's worse is, if I do believe them ... I don't care. They don't make me feel better anyways.

Now do not misunderstand this as Poppins looking for sympathy ... cuz that's totally NOT what this post is about. I'm just trying to help others understand why I am the way I am. Why I do and say the things I do. And what it is I truly feel.

In all honesty, I don't want anyone feeling bad for me. I have a neurological chemical imbalance ... it is what it is. It's frustrating, yes ... but it makes me who I am. Because of this illness I am intelligent, creative, sarcastic, funny and sometimes even talented. I wouldn't give those things up for a normal brain any day!

My main point is ... you don't always have to be sad or have a reason to be depressed. Sometimes you just feel like the world is crumbling in on you even though you might be the luckiest person in the world. So if a person ever tells you that there's nothing you can do to help them feel better, just let them know that you are there if ever they change their mind.

ALSO ... don't hesitate to check in on them as often as you feel necessary. HOWEVER, depressed and suicidal are two different things. NEVER leave a suicidal person alone ... EVER!

If you are thinking about harming yourself, or know someone who is, PLEASE get help immediately.

You can get help by doing one of the following:
  • Call your doctor.
  • Call 911 or go to a hospital emergency room to get immediate help or ask a friend or family member to help you do these things.
  • Call the toll-free, 24-hour hotline of the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255); TTY: 1-800-799-4TTY (4889) to talk to a trained counselor.

$h!t I did it backwards!!!

Jul 31, 2012

My Patronus is a Unicorn

I know, I know. Harry Potter is all over and done with and all that fun stuff. But I'm not gonna lie ... I'LL NEVER STOP LOVING THAT SERIES ...


*sniff sniff*

I mean I was actually super sad the night I went to see the last movie. I was like, "What the heck ... now what midnight movies am I going to go to?"

Well, so far that question hasn't been answered. So in the meantime I like to pretend that one day Harry Potter will come back because Malfoy was bitten by the Dark Lord before Harry killed him and is full of all sorts of Dark Magic. Then Harry and Ginny will have to train Albus Severus and the other two kids with better names so that they can become the new order of the phoenix. BUT since Dumbledore is dead and the phoenix flew away ...

It will now be called "The Order of the Not So Evil Unicorn!"

And then I know I'll fit in because I totally love unicorns! I mean if I were to have a patronus ... um UNICORN! It would be just like Harry's stag except without the antlers and just one horn ... plus it would look more like a horse.

Kinda like this ...

Except there's be more wisps flying out it's arse cuz that's where all the light would shine from. (Duh!) It would kinda be like the patronus that runs backwards. And the dementors wouldn't know whether to run away because of all the bright shiny light or due to the fact that the bright shiny light would be coming out of the arse of a unicorn.

What really remains to be seen is whether or not that bright shiny light comes in a rainbow of colors ...

Needless to say, J.K. Rowling needs to stop writing adult books and get back to HP so that I can appear in the next movie with my Unicorn Patronus. The future of Hogwarts totally depends on me!

Perhaps we should gather a petition?

Jul 30, 2012

So what if I'm a Tease! You know you like it!

Yeah that sounded way dirtier than anticipated. Or did it? Or did my commenting actually make it more dirty than originally read?

Regardless ...

I've been trying to finish up Stumble & Fall and am about 75% there. And so once in a GREAT while I like to share a little sum sum to leave people wanting. Well here's one of my favorite scenes and I'm hoping to goodness it doesn't give anything away!
It’s raining again. Tired of the precipitation and its wet residue, I decide it’s probably best to find some sort of shelter. Or maybe not. Maybe I should just let the rain wash away my pain and memories.
When I stumble upon a deteriorating picnic table at the edge of a pond, I find the rain has not yet made it to the surface of the water. Moving closer to the edge I place the cancer stick behind my ear and the lighter back into my purse. I bend over the edge and finally see the drops of water colliding with the pond and rippling as if they have no end.

It’s not long before I realize they are not in fact raindrops, but a showering of my misery and anguish.

Well, not so much a shower. My tear ducts have reached complete downpour by this point. I slowly back up to the bench and sit down.

And I cry.

I cry for what seems like hours.

I cry until its dark.

I cry until I hear the faint calls of what sounds like my name.

The voice puts an end to my tears.

My tears.

No one else’s.

Footsteps sound behind me, but I remain motionless staring at the dark, starlit water. I refuse to move. I refuse to acknowledge the rest of the world. Furthermore, I refuse to acknowledge the voice now calling my name followed by the sound of running.

 “Annabelle?” Tony cries.

I do not move. I do not speak.

The running ceases. “Annabelle?” Tony repeats. “Are you okay?”

Okay? Am I okay?

Obvious answer: No.

My answer: More silence.

I think Tony asks me if I’m okay a few more times. I’m not really sure. I can’t hear. I can’t talk. I can’t feel.

Finally Tony joins in my silence. It’s the most beautiful silence I’ve ever been part of; a silence that cannot be filled with any words, because there are no longer any words to be said.

My concept of time has been shattered, so I’m clueless as to how long it is silent before Tony scoops me into his arms, cradling me like a child. Though I want to protest and start punching and kicking and showing Tony my amazing ninja-like tactics, my entire body is frozen.

A salty drop of warm water hits my lips. This is not my tear. My tears are locked up. This tear and the following sparse tears which land on my almost numb cheek are definitely not mine. These tears belong to Tony.

I should feel bad.

I should care.

I should want to comfort him.

But I don’t. Instead, I lay lifeless in his arms bathing in the warmth of his tears while trying not to admit to myself that his pain pleasures me.

Jul 27, 2012

I'm not just an Awesome Writer ya Know!

I mean, I AM an awesome writer (or so they tell me ... I've still yet to be completely convinced!) and all, but there's so much more I do! Like, a lot more. Like, I probably shouldn't be reviving Poppins because there's so much more that I do. But Posh to That!

As it's been pretty much freaking FOREVER since I've done one ... I now present thine selves with ...

Top Ten Things Poppins Does BESIDES Writing!

  1. I'm a mom! GASP!!! I know ... I had a feeling no one knew about that one. I mean, just because I'm searching for my inner Mary Poppins doesn't mean I have to be a mom, right? Well it's true. I raise three little devils angels as my "official" full time job. And there's something about cooking and cleaning and laundry ... but that's all just hearsay.

  2. I design Websites. Mr. Poppins thinks I should do this for a living. I think he's cracked in the head because if I did it for a living I wouldn't find it fun anymore. DUH!!! Here's a couple of my favorites.
    This is by far my favorite. It's a site for my sister's artwork. All of the Design Images are actually her Paintings! Does it get any cooler than that!!!
    This is probably my second favorite. Probably just cuz I really like Pizza!
  3. I run on the Board for Nami MI (National Alliance of Mental Health) and recently I was given the opportunity to go to Seattle, WA.While I was there I got to do LOTS of cool things like ...
    Visit and Eat at the Space Needle
    Do a Book Signing!
    Lend a man my coat!

  4. Although if you had asked me a year and a half ago if I would EVER own a pet, I'd have said HEAL NO! ... I now own TWO dogs and I feel like that in itself is a full time job. My newest puppy, Henry is quite the beast!
    Why yes, that is a "Beware of Dog" Shirt!

  5. I run ...

  6. .

  7. I blog ... like for a million blogs (number may or may not reflect actual number of blogs I write for.) Currently, besides my Ask a Bipolar blog I am blogging for International Bipolar Foundation, bpHope Magazine and WebMD. I know it seems like I'm kinda a big deal ... but I promise, I'm still just little ol' Poppins!

  8. I've been dabbling a bit in photography. But unfortunately, I don't own a cool enough camera to REALLY get into it. (insert grumbles and profanity here) Here's a few photos I've tinkered with lately.
    This is one of my roses that bloomed in like March and died by the end of May!
    In case you didn't know ... I like wine!
    Meet Poncho. He's a bad @$$ mother puppy!
  9. I now go to school! I'm officially entering my sophomore year as a psychology major. I'm old, I know. But I had to go back to school eventually! Now let's see if I can make it through my PHD? (Stop laughing! I can do it ... I swear ...)

  10. I start random facebook groups. I'm not sure why, but about every few months I start a new one out of the blue. The newest has been fun though. We name the top 5 things every day that made us happy :) Feel free to join us!

  11. I sit and ponder the meaning of life while drinking a margarita and/or glass of wine and toss back and forth ideas for new blogs, facebook pages, books, movies, ways to become a super star! It's really tiring work, but someone's gotta do it!
I'm pretty sure I do more, it's just hard to think of it after trying to cram in all those tiny pictures when blogger just wasn't having it in my ordered list. Sigh ...

When you don't write and/or do whatever it is that you do ... what do you spend your time on?

Jul 26, 2012

Is Poppins Back? I've been doing some soul searching. Not that that's anything new. I'm pretty sure I'm soul searching at least every other day.


"I'm in love with ice cream and I want us to be together forever!"

Two Days Later

"Sorbet is the best desert in the world and I don't know how I could have ever been in love with that dairy filled cream of ice."

"I'm going to be an author for the rest of my life!!!"

Two Days Later

"I'm going to go to school and study psychology!!!"

Four Days Later

"I'm going to be an advocate for mental illness and devote all my time to it!"
Needless to say ... I'm stinking indecisive in a very difficult sort of way. But it's what makes me me, so deal with it world! Bwahahahaha ...

Sorry, kinda got carried away there for a moment.


I've been searching my soul, which happens to be partial to Sorbet lately, and decided, "Damn, I really miss being funny!"

Cuz let's face it, running a website about bipolar disorder can get a bit depressing after awhile. And although my heart and soul are in it, I just think I need a little extra something to keep the happy around.

I was totally desperately searching for happy ... desperately searching??? HOLY BALLS!!! That's it! I need to revive Poppins. Even if for only a bit ... she just needs to come back!

So, here I am. I've once again redesigned the site. It's pretty lame and I'm sure it will change again, but at least now there is a bit more info about me and my books. Not to mention a killer picture of Fall Girl at #4 on Amazon right after the Hunger Games Trilogy!!!

So tell me what you think. Is it time for Poppins to return? If so, what is it you've missed the most?

Stay tuned to see here my soul searching lands me next!