Dear Alarm Clock,
I'm not sure how to tell you this exactly, but I think it's time we go our separate ways. It's not that you aren't doing your job well or living up the the expectations I have for you. I can say with 100% sincerity that it's not you ... it's me.
I apologize if I have been leading you one. It is possible I have been giving you mixed signals every morning while my fingers gently linger over your big long snooze button. But it's not what you think. I thought you might have caught on that it wasn't endearment when my hand came smashing down on you this morning.
The problem is, I don't like the sounds you make. I've tried putting you at different settings, radio or just noise, and both make me ready to scream.
Maybe it's not the noise itself, but possibly the timing at which you chose to display the sound? In all accounts, I must admit, I'd prefer if you'd just stay silent.
I say this all to you now because I fear our relationship may come to a destructive end if we don't sever all ties soon. I often have visions of taking you out to a field and jumping on you till you are broken into tiny pieces all while listening to loud naughty rap music(like they do to the fax machine in Office Space) And if you knew me as well as I hope you did, you'd know that I'm not a violent person and I prefer to keep my electronics in one piece. However you seem to conjure up a rage inside me that I am afraid to show to the public.
So it is with deep remorse Alarm Clock, that I inform you this morning, I am going to be ripping you out of the wall and shoving you into a big box full of unused electrical items. You'll be happy there, surrounded by all your friends, The Broken Speakers, Old Phones and even a few Electrical Strips might be lingering around. They may not touch your buttons the way I have been doing for these last 9 years, or the way my husband did before that, but nevertheless, they will probably love you more than I do.
I hope there are no hard feelings. I do this out of love and respect.
OK OK...this is just a wishful Dear John Letter...but you have NO IDEA how much I wish I could send it today :)
Hope everyone's morning started out a bit brighter than mine! If you didn't get a chance to see my announcement yesterday look below or feel free to visit my Website www.marybethsmith.com!