Jan 2, 2010

No Kiss Blog Fest - The "Almost Kiss"

I totally forgot today was the No Kiss Blog Fest! I can't believe I could commit such a sin!!! (Please forgive me Frankie!!!) Ok so I didn't really have any "Almost Kisses" in my MS's so I stole Frankie's idea and altered a scene to make one up. And in doing so, I grew attached to this altered scene and it is NOW a permanent part of my manuscript! Yay for No Kiss Blog Fest!!

So in my scene my 13 yr old MC Alexis Foster has just learned that her entire life is one big lie. I can't go into the details, but she runs away and is chased down by Jeremy, her 'kinda' foster brother for the moment. (I hope that doesn't seem weird. It makes sense when you read the book! I swear!)

*****
Alexis fell to the ground and began to sob. The events from the moments before swirled in her head until she became dizzy. The dizziness paired with the pain was too much to handle. Alexis got to her knees and vomited all over a pair of shoes standing in front of her.

“Thanks,” said Jeremy. He tossed off his shoes and crouched down next to Alexis.

Now not only did she feel tired, frustrated and betrayed, she also felt humiliated. It was all too much. She collapsed into Jeremy’s arms and continued to sob.


“It’s going to be okay,” he whispered while stroking her hair.
“Nothing is okay. Nothing has ever been okay. I don’t even know what okay feels like.”

Jeremy chuckled a bit. “I used to think I knew, now I feel like I really don’t know much of anything,” he confessed.

“Did Jeremy Walker just admit he was an idiot?” Alexis laughed through her tears.


“Now let’s not go that far.”
He continued to hold Alexis for a few more minutes before Alexis realized they were alone.

“Where is Olivia?” Alexis released herself from his grasps.

“She couldn’t keep up.” Jeremy ran his hands through his messy hair. “You run pretty fast. Olivia stopped quite a ways back and Harris stayed with her to make sure she was okay.”


“Harris shouldn’t be following us.”


“It’s better him than anyone else.” Jeremy sighed. “I don’t know if I can trust him, but for some reason I trust him more than I do my own parents right now.”


“That was some pretty crazy stuff,” Alexis said. “You’re Mom and Dad weren’t there to help me at all. They had their own agenda’s and didn’t care about me one bit. How typical is that.”


“Who cares what they think,” Jeremy said angry. “They betrayed us, their own children. They are not worth our time.”


“I really thought they cared about me,” Alexis sobbed. “Now I’m back to nobody caring.”


“Am I nobody?” Jeremy asked quietly. Alexis tilted her head and stared at him. He was chewing on his cheek which was slightly pink.

“What is that suppose to mean?” she asked.


“Oh will you just shut up and accept the compliment,” Jeremy said irritated.


“I didn’t hear a compliment,” Alexis said in a smug voice.

“I said I care about you.” Jeremy's cheeks turned a bright red. “Now just shut up.”


Alexis looked at him for a few moments and he stared at her right back. It was all very awkward. Then Jeremy leaned over a bit, his face drawing closer to hers. Her breathing became heavy as her body tightened. She'd never felt this way about a boy before and she wasn't sure how to handle it. Normally she cringed at the thought of affection, especially when it involved physical contact, but when Jeremy was involved it was like her anxieties disappeared and she wanted nothing more than to be hugged and comforted by his hand.


As his face drew nearer her lips tightened. He was looking directly into her eyes, but she was looking directly at his lips. She wondered what it would feel like to kiss those lips. His head tilted and for a moment she could not breath. She licked her tightened lips and instinctively tilted her head in the opposite direction. He leaned just a bit closer and before she could even make sense of what was happening he kissed her on the cheek. It was over before it began and the two got up and stepped away from each other as they stared at the ground.

*****

And as it is still Poppins Blog Party time and the contest is still going on I am going to give you a super easy bonus points challenge to put towards the contest.

In the comments section below tell me YOUR favorite "Almost Kiss" scene from a book or movie! The more scenes you add the more points you get! Can't wait to hear from you.

And if you haven't had a chance to answer yesterdays questions for more points head on over and get your points in!!!

22 comments:

Valerie said...

I like this! I especially liked how torn she was about how she felt about Jeremy and the fact that he was about to kiss her. I have to say I'm glad he didn't kiss her on the mouth right after she threw up! LOL

Also, totally random, but the boy in my almost kiss scene's last name is Walker too!

Elle Strauss said...

nicely done. Boys who are almost brothers, but not--it can get complicated!

Frankie Diane Mallis said...

Now THIS made me feel the #windinmyhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiir. Awesome! Thanks for participating in the No Kiss Blogfest!!!

Shannon Messenger said...

That was awesome Marybeth--I loved it. Can't wait till it gets published so I can read more. So get on that already, will ya?

Heather said...

I loved the awkward ending...so much build up, then they just kiss on the cheek and it's over so quick you hardly realize it happened.

sherrinda said...

I'm with Heather...great build up and then a kiss on the cheek. Sigh...young love. :) Nicely done!

Karen Amanda Hooper said...

Aren't the good kisses always over before we know it? Great tension and some memorable dialogue. Yay Marybeth! :)
My Blog

Amalia T. said...

I love the adolescent "shut up!" lines in this piece. (Shut up! is a constant refrain in my family--it fits so perfectly here!)

thanks for sharing this!

Marybeth Poppins said...

Glad you girls enjoyed :) The changes are definitely staying in my MS!!!

Sharon Gerlach said...

Excellent! I don't write YA but I find myself gravitating toward it a lot lately for my recreational reading. I loved the tension build-up that ends with a kiss on the cheek. Boys! ;-)

V. S said...

I loved this scene! Your dialogue was very realistic. Great Job!

Simon C. Larter said...

May I say, I wasn't quite that smooth at 13? Don't know why. Maybe it was the braces. Except I didn't have braces. Oh well.

Nicely done, good lady!

Elizabeth Spann Craig said...

Oh no! Do kids kiss or almost-kiss when they're 13? Ack!!! (Says the mom with the boy turning 13 in 3 months.)

Great job with this.

Elizabeth
Mystery Writing is Murder

Just Another Sarah said...

Very nice--but what makes me happiest is the name of your blog. I'm totally in love with Mary Poppins and her books and the movie. So now I'm following you, because of that.

Karen said...

Well done...love the cheek kiss.

Also, I just wanted to add that I love your website and blog designs!

Jade said...

Yes, you should definitely keep this scene--it rocks. Oh, the complications of being 13!

Danyelle said...

Very nice!

Southern Princess said...

For the worried mom above about kids kissing at 13... um yes they do... let the uber worrying commence...

LOVE THE SNIPPET!! So great. Um, does she still have vomit breath here? lol Their interaction is wonderful Marybeth!

http://princesscourtneysbarr.blogspot.com

Southern Princess said...

totally forgot to put the almost kiss scenes!

Okay:
Movies:
1)New Moon: Bella & Jacob in the kitchen.
2)Pride & Prejudice (with Keira Knightly) after she explodes at him for being what she thinks is an a$$ for breaking up her sister's courtship

Books:
1)Beautiful Creatures By Kami Garcia & Margaret Stohl the first time that Lena & Ethan almost kiss - such tension - so many secrets!!
2)My own WIP - NO Kiss Entry!!! Of course the best of the best ;o) lol

I know there are hundreds more, but no sleep last night is impairing my mind functioning capabilities, will have to revisit!

http://princesscourtneysbarr.blogspot.com

Natalie said...

Oh, so awkward, and sad. I feel bad for both of them. Nice job, Marybeth.

Shannon O'Donnell said...

My current fave is the "Almost Kissing Scene" posted by Roni @ Fiction Groupie (12/22). I loved it. Don't ask me to pin it down, I just loved it! Every time I try to come up with a No Kissing Scene, I picture Roni's! :)

Maroussia said...

It will be great to watch Mary Poppins, i have bought tickets from
http://ticketfront.com/event/Mary_Poppins-tickets looking forward to it.