Jul 10, 2009

How to NOT go crazy while dealing with your children during Summer Vacation

(My first attempt at a "How To" Article)

Things You'll Need:
  • A closet with a door that closes
  • A pillow
  • A glass of wine
  • A bathtub
  • Soothing music
  • Candles
1. Breath. This step is easier said than done when your children continue to chase each other around the house and refuse to refrain from screaming and arguing, but with much concentration, it can be accomplished.

2. When the screaming and arguing becomes intense, instead of yelling at the children who for some reason only feel that there is one Lego man that they ALL need (even though there is a box full of them), quietly grab a pillow, walk to the closet, shut the door and happily scream as loud as you can into the pillow until you feel slightly relieved.

3. If all fails wait until your husband arrives home. Greet him and swiftly walk away, leaving him surrounded by the monsters.

4. Pour a LARGE glass of wine.

5.At this point it is important to lock yourself in the bathroom with some candles, the tall glass of wine and take a bubble bath while listening to your favorite/soothing music.

6. Repeat as OFTEN as necessary.

* WARNING: Do not over drink while in bathtub, it is not safe nor recommended.


CB said...

So I guess you're saying it's not ok to gag the kids and lock THEM in a closet?

**sigh*** Off to get my pillow!

Marybeth Poppins said...

It was considered at one point yesterday...it was considered...

Toss me that pillow when you are done!

marymac said...

now if this was on ehow you could be getting paid for it!

Marybeth Poppins said...

I had it already to go on eHow then thought they would probably NOT publish it and then ban me from the site.....

Elizabeth Spann Craig said...

Too funny! I love it.

When I get mad at the kids, I put MYSELF in time-out. Because, actually, I deserve it more than they do, usually.

Mystery Writing is Murder

sherrinda said...

Hhhmmm, and here I thought my basement was the perfect getaway for the kids! lol
Great article and so funny! (mainly because it is soooo true!)

Marybeth Poppins said...

Mommy's definitely need time outs!

And Sherrinda...you weren't suppose to like this blog ;)

Katie Ganshert said...

If only I liked wine....how sad for me.

Ann said...

closet - check
pillow - check
wine - no check
bathtub, music, candles - check

Guess I need some wine and some earplugs cause the little monsters have seriously loud inside voices and know how to use them!

I often wait for hubby to get home and then leave with the excuse of needing to go to the grocery store then just wonder around in there for a bit....lol....he always wonders why I take so long to get a gallon of milk. ha!

Jody Hedlund said...

Hah! If only you'd written this yesterday!! I had a houseful of bickering, ungrateful children. At dinner, I made each one tell five things they were grateful for about our family and five things they were grateful for about our lives in general. And now today, every time I hear a complaint, I'm requiring them to tell me five more things they're thankful for! It's amazing what a switch in attitude we've had today! Whew! But I still think I need that long bubble bath to make up for yesterday!

Jessica said...

ROFL! My favorite one is when hubby walks in and letting him be surrounded! I do that. Heeeheee.

Tara said...

LOL. I'm a huge fan of getting a babysitter. :]

Jill Kemerer said...

It must be July because I'm really feeling this post! Then September will roll around and I'll forget the days of desperation. Thank goodness!

Marybeth Poppins said...

Katie...may I suggest chocolate?

Ann...tried the grocery store thing yesterday, Hubs wanted to go with me...sigh...

Jody...I am going to have to try that. Maybe I should start by doing that myself. It's been a long day

Jessica...isn't that what husbands are for ;)

Tara...ahhhh babysitters...if only they were free or less than an hour away.

Jill...is it sad that I am HIGHLY looking forward to September?

McMommy said...

Oh the joys of summer vacation! On a good day, you can hear pillow-muffled mommy screams from a mile away....

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