Jun 9, 2009

It was kinda like playing dress up...but not!

Yesterday I had the privilege (possibly not QUITE the word I was looking for...) to play the part of "Day Care Provider" for the day. After spending 4 hours with 5 children who were not mine, I came to a couple heart felt conclusions.

1. Three children is more than enough. Five is too many. My mother must have lost her mind when she decided she would like to have six kids, that or she really wasn't paying too much attention when practicing 'The Rhythm Method'!

2. I do not feel that the career of Day Care Providing was intended for me. Some women/men are destined for the job. Me? Not so much.

Now number 2 comes with a whole set of incredibly VALID reasons!

1. Day Care Providers need patience only God himself could possibly possess, and he did not find it necessary to share that patience with me for some reason.

3. I am more anal about cleaning than I ever would have guessed. That is correct. I spent about an hour watching children pick up a toy, and after looking at it for about two seconds, decide the toy looked funny, smelled funny, or was not big enough to create the mass destruction intended, they would then throw it onto an obscure place in the middle of the floor. After that hour I about caved and decided it was the perfect moment for Clean Up Time! I just can't do the whole toys in the middle of the Living Area thing. It's too distracting for my obsessive mind to comprehend!

4. It's really hard to NOT yell at children when they are being insanely irritating, and you really aren't suppose to when these children are not your own. At home this is not an issue. I can yell and scream ALL day long. I am not going to offend anyone's parents by spouting parental threats at my kids like, "If you don't stop crying, I'll give you something to cry about!" or "Stay out of the middle of the road, or you'll become road kill!" (learned that one from my sister! Classic!) or "Don't make me come over there, or you'll regret it!". These threats (though never...ok...rarely... carried out) are necessary for parenting. Unfortunately you just can't use them on other people's children.

5. I don't like poop. It smells ... really bad ... and for some reason, twice as bad when it's not your own child's poop.

6. I don't like wiping noses, and again, for some reason it's just grosser than wiping your own kids snot.

7. I am incapable of spending more than 3 minutes on any of the following games: Duck Duck Goose, I Spy, Hide the Toy, etc. before inevitably trying to move on the the next game in hopes that it will be quieter/calmer. Each time I attempted this, I failed miserably!

8. Now noticing that I completely SKIPPED number two and realizing that I obviously can not count, I do not believe I am capable of educating young children. ("Ok kids, let's count to 10. 1,3,4,5....") And correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't that suppose to be part of the job?

9. Did you know that when you are paying attention to a room full of kids, there is no time for the internet? What crap is that!!!

10. It was only by luck, large amounts of luck, that none of the children ended up looking like this by the end of the afternoon!!

So, Day Care Providing career...down the drain! I'm thinking about attempting to be trapeze artist next ...

Here's to you day care providers ... *Raises up very LARGE glass of wine*
You guys are miracle workers!!!

By the way? Did you see the cool contest I award I won on the side there? Thanks Baby Makin(g) Machine and Thank You Roger the Ant!!!

(Stop by my Website to read about Editing Road Blocks)


Katie said...

So funny! I need to share this with my daycare provider.

About the magazine thing. I'd never read OCFM before I submitted my first short story. I found out (through an email) that they were taking submissions for short stories, so I emailed one to the editor. Now, however, I read the magazine every month.

Two options for you - Flash Fiction. Google it. They have a magazine of very short fiction.

Option two - do you have a market guide? I have Sally Stuart's Market Guide for Christian Writers and it's filled with every magazine/article you could ever think to submit to. Including info about each one and submission guidelines. You want to buy a market guide for the type of fiction you write (I write for the CBA) and go to town learning about all the publishers out there! Email me anymore questions. I just realized I should have probably just emailed this to you instead of including it in a comment. :)

Jessica M. said...

This is HILARIOUS!!!!!!!! And so very many reasons why I don't want kids in the first place! LOL I was wondering where you were yesterday while I spent all my time on the internet. Mystery solved!!! Glad you survived and they didn't manage to tie you to a tree before the end of the day! :) Loves ya!

Litgirl01 said...

CUTE picture!!!! :-) Is that your baby?

Marybeth Poppins said...

Thanks! I'll take a look at that website :)

Yes...I survived...but barely ;)

It is my youngest, like 4 years ago! After hair cut number?? 2 ?? LOL

Crystal said...

Question...what happened to #2? Or the second #2 I should say...

Very funny, very true!

Crystal...again! said...

Ok, seriously, I went back and REREAD it to see if I missed number 2, and apparently missed number EIGHT, cause I totally did not see that...I think it's time for a NAP! Sorry hun!

T. Anne said...

OMGosh too funny, too true! Go get a mani pedi you so deserve it!

Alexia said...

LOL I used to work in a daycare and I'm still trying to figure out how I survived....

Danyelle said...


I am so with you. I love being with and playing with my own little tater tots, but would hate being a daycare worker. You're absolutely right--poop and mucus aren't so bad when they're related to you. ;-)

Jessica said...

Eeek! I agree with almost everything you said! I love being a mom and I like helping in the nursery, but I will never, ever want to be a daycare provider. Nope. No way.

It was nice of you to help out though. :-)

Miss Behavin said...

Girl, I am so with you on the whole poop thing. It is bad enough when it's your own kid, but I swear, when it's someone else's kid - it's just gross.

I watched my girlfriend's little girl a couple weeks ago and she's 2 and just learning to pee pee on the potty. I kept chanting over and over...please don't poop! please don't poop! ... because I did not want to go there! Ewww!

Miss Behavin said...

Oh yeah, and the pic of that little girl with the messy face is absolutely adorable!

Thanks for stopping by today with your sweet comments.

Marybeth Poppins said...

Apparently you wouldn't be that great at the educational portion either...LOL

T. Anne,
Ooooooh Pedi!

You are a miracle worker for surviving!

Yeah. There is a difference with your own kids...especially cuz I have less than that.

I'm with you

Miss Behavin,
Poop is gross! And um....that's my youngest son. Don't let the hair fool you. He had already had 2 hair cuts by that pic, and he was only 4 months! I just couldn't keep up with that mop :D