Sep 16, 2009

Poppins as compiled by facts and numbers...

I've decided there are some facts, statistics, and numerical things you must know about me. I'm not sure how or why I have decided this, but the decision was made this morning when I dropped my phone...

Fact Number One - I have dropped my phone and estimated 329 times in the last 6 months, which is about 123% more times than the average cell phone owner. This is the reason why I do NOT own an iPhone.

Fact Number Two - If I consume one container of Raspberry Sorbet (it must be the Meijer Brand...) at any given time, I will then proceed to consume at least 17 more containers in the following month because one container simply can not fulfill the craving. Because of this, the sales for Meijer containers of Raspberry Sorbet go up at least 15% with each month that I crave this desert.

Fact Number Three - If I put off the laundry for more than 5 days I will then have approximately 50% more laundry than anticipated and exactly 99% less motivation to fold it. For this reason it took me 2 hours to fold laundry for a family of 5 yesterday.

Fact Number Four - The number of gnomes owned in my house - 3 to be exact, unless you count the picture my father gave me for my birthday, then there are 4 - is not proportionate to the number of gnomes I NEED to own. It's about 412% less.

Fact Number Five - If I invite friends to a Pity Party there will be an abundance of chocolate and not nearly enough Margaritas or Wine. The portion of Wine and Margaritas to chocolate is off by at least 50%. I will remember to bring more booze to the next Pity Party, while at the same time I will keep in mind that the chocolate will be properly taken care of.

Fact Number Six - Now that School has started I am now in the car driving 25% of my day at the very least. This is exactly 24% more than I would prefer to be in the car which in my ideal world would only be 15 minutes. Regardless of whether or not the mathematical equation works for this scenario is not important.

Fact Number Seven - I've written approximately 1 and 1/8 novels. The average number of novels written by a writer who scores an agent is 5. So if I spend 12 hours a day every day of the year writing I may possibly have an agent in the next 5 years, however this does not equate to the direct number of brain cells that will in fact be destroyed in the remaining 12 hours of the day where I have gone crazy. Due to this fact I probably will not publish a book until I am at least 47 years old.

Fact Number Eight - As shown by this craptastic blog post, it is obvious that I have spent too much time (at least 2 hours a day which is only 75% of the preferred amount) reading "An Abundance of Katherines" and am now thinking about everything in theories and equations. It is possible that maybe I will go back to being normal once I have finished the book, but the probability is unlikely!

There...I feel much better now that you know these things about me. Sometimes it's just good to get things off your chest! (We won't even go into the numbers and statistics about my chest and/or lack there of......)


Scott said...

I have gnomes all over the place . . . on Farmtown on Facebook. It was a new option to purchase gnomes and I went kind of crazy. In the real world, there's not a gnome in sight . . . even those there's no place like gnome! Sorry. Did you know a gnome's favorite song is "I'll be Gnome for Christmas"? A gnome's favorite magazine is "Better Gnomes & Gardens". That what Dorothy actually said when she clicked her heels was "I need more gnomes, I need more gnomes, I need more gnomes", but the director of the movie just didn't think it fit!!



Foursons said...

So glad the chocolate is covered for the party. I was worried.


i too have dropped my phone at least as many times as you have. same reason i too have no iphone


ditto! thanks for stopping by!

ElanaJ said...

This was my kind of post! So clever and witty. I checked An Abundance of Katherine's out at the library and never read it. I guess I should have!

And I hate driving. Absolutely HATE it. I need one of those particle beamer thingies.

CMOM Productions said...

I have a nice cushy iphone cover with shock absorbency for just such phone dropping occassions. Thankfully, I haven't dropped it nearly as often as my former phone.

Bug said...

Hee, hee - I am the same way with laundry. There is a whole stack just waiting for me to do it.



Beth said...

Haha, I cracked up at your comment about the amount of gnomes you own to the amount of gnomes you gneed. I feel the same way! You can gnever have too many gnomes!