Saying Goodbye to Summer

And so the busy season is kicked off! School is starting next week and this week is full of last minute shopping, training the kids to wake up early and getting in all our last play dates of the summer!

This year I am going to be insanely busy with only one car and no buses for the kids. I'm going to be a driving machine! (Please feel free to conjure up a mental picture there.)

Now I need to come up with a schedule to fit in becoming a taxi service, blogging, writing and all my other new side work WHILE trying to prepare my 4 year old for kindergarten next year and fitting in a play date (for my sanity) here and there. I am being forced to say goodbye to my lazy summer ways. I think this constitutes a memorial service for my lazy ways. Sniff Sniff. I really did enjoy them.

So how is your summer winding down? Are you ready for all the hustle and bustle the school year brings?

Basking the Radiance of the Past!

I've enjoyed the fact that my posts have been rather random this month. One of my favorite things about me (amongst the million awesome qualities I possess) is the fact that I am quite random. Isn't that fun! So I have randomly...ok well not so randomly...picked my favorite Random posts to share with my readers today. Old and new, in love with me or not (who wouldn't be in love with me...that's just silly!) here are my favorite moments that I think everyone should experience.

Where's my Red Pen

Is Motherhood Masochistic?

Confessions of an Avid Blogger

The Fate of Roger the Ant (This post even won me an award!!!)

The Invasion

Is Coffee the Key to Success

Why Gnomes are Gnessessary

It was kinda like playing dress up...but not...

The Importance of Owning a Lawnmower

My Adventures Last Night

So these are my favorite. Which one is yours? Did I miss any??? (Wow aren't I appearing a bit conceited today...oops...not my intention!)

Who likes to Clean anyway?!

Staring at my vacuum this morning -the vacuum that has been sitting outside my closet for the past two days - has inspired this blog post. Thank you vacuum, for always being a source of unwelcome work!

Top 10 LEAST Favorite Chores (and why!)

10. Sweeping the Kitchen Floor - There is no doubt that only moments (as in possibly 3 seconds) after the floor has been swept the children will inevitably find a way to put crumbs - and not just one crumb...we're talking about 1/2 a meals worth here - on the very same floor

9. Unclogging the Toilet - No explanation needed here folks!

8. Making the Bed - I'm not sure who made up the rule that beds need to be made. I'm going to unmake it again with in 8 hours. Why waste my time!

7. The dishes - dish soap hands...ick! But luckily this lovely chore has been taken over by my two children and a dishwasher :)

6. Wiping down the stove. It seriously never comes clean. I can get it all pretty and sparkly and then I look at it again and there's another spot of something over there in the corner. And ugh to those silver whatchoomacallits underneath the burners (brains not functioning this early to remember their names) Cuz it's impossible to keep them clean. IMPOSSIBLE

5. Getting the kids to clean their rooms. Yes this IS a chore. If you walked into my house while this was taking place you'd think I was beating them with all the crying and screaming (mine of course) And seriously...there's only 6 cars left on the floor. Why can't you just put them away with out trying to say your "Too Tired" by this point???

4. Cleaning the bathroom - Three words for ya here Boys. Can't. Aim!

3. Ironing - I don't do it well. For some reason every time I get a new wrinkle out, I've managed to somehow put a new wrinkle in. Not to mention every time I attempt to "mist" my clothing for a nice bout of steam I end up with a huge puddle. What's up with that?

2. Folding the Laundry. 5 Family Members equals Mountains about Mountains of laundry. And it never ends. It's like the 5 million clowns piling out of one car. Except it's more like 5 million socks coming out of one dryer!

And the number One LEAST Favorite Chore IS

1. Vacuuming. See that little picture up there? See that stupid long cord just siting next to the annoying little contraption? I hate that cord! It gets in the way, I trip over it, I vacuum over it, its not long enough, its too long! And I despise having to wind it up when I'm done. As if the whole act of vacuuming wasn't irritating enough, I have to go put more work into just putting the dang thing away. (Bitter? No I'm not bitter? Why would you say that?!)

I considered counteracting with a Top 10 List of Chores I enjoy doing but I only came up with two. Rearranging furniture and occasionally I enjoy dusting.

What is your LEAST favorite chore?

Waking up to Happiness

I woke up this morning and thought it was still night. My room was dark and the sky dreary. I leaned over to look at my clock and saw that the time was indeed 7am.

Then it occurred to me...

Happiness!!!

It's raining!!!

So I've opened the windows and (in attempts to unsuccessfully drown out the kid's arguing that started at 8am this morning) I am listening to the gentle pitter pattering of little drops making contact with the leaves, house and street.

So welcome to my lazy day friends. I'm gonna plop down on the couch or bed with a good book and the windows open. I'll probably put a muzzle on the children in a movie for the kids. Maybe we'll do a picnic for lunch in front of the TV. I think I'll put together and extra long quiet time today. Maybe break out some coloring books. It's going to be a lovely day!

Seriously...is there anything more relaxing than the sounds and smells of gentle rain?

Home Schooling and Me

In my last comment of the day yesterday Jessica Nelson over at Booking It asked me if I home schooled.

My Answer... Oh goodness I'd never do that to my children!!!

Now I could be wrong (I'm NEVER wrong...) but I have a feeling my readers MIGHT be entertained to know why I am not fit to be a home schooling mom. Don't get me wrong, I think I am pretty decent mom 92% of the time, but I am in no way fit to school my own children.

Why? Funny you should ask! I've decided to give you ...

The Top 10 Reasons Why Poppins is Not Fit to Teach

1. To my great disappointment, apparently BeJeweled Blitz is not a government approved subject. (Although it COULD be an elective?!?!)

2. I'm not sure that an education based on literature, English, grammar and spelling alone would get them very far in life. Granted I can add and multiply, once you get past the basic stuff....eh...it gets kinda shaky!

3. I don't do Science. I don't find anything cool about bugs, dead frogs, homemade bombs, electrons, chemistry, planets, earth, etc. in even the smallest amount.

4. I had to ask my husband what war Gone With The Wind took place during and, "That was before World War II right?" Thus my expertise in history...slightly lacking

5. I need a break from my children. I can't take 365 days a year of "Stop touching me!", "I didn't do it!" and "You're gonna break my Lego House!" I. Just. Can't. Do. It!!!

6. Did you know that kids are noisy? Or is that just my kids? I'm really more of a "quiet" person.

7. I could be wrong...but I think it takes effort to school the children. That doesn't really fit in to my plans to spend the fall and winter being super lazy.

8. I wouldn't want to put teachers out of a job. After all, they go to school for all that stuff. Pay massive student loans. And see I am so awesome that if I home schooled my kids...everyone would want to home school their kids and then tons of my friends would be unemployed! (Though that would free up a little more time for them to return back to Blogger...I'm not that cruel!)

9. Is Harry Potter a subject? Cuz I'd be SUPER good at teaching it! What about the History of Gnomes?

10. So um...my kids don't listen to me....like ever. I tell my child NOT to touch that and after about the 5th time....well yeah, he's still touching it. How can I teach a child who ignores me?!?!

So those are just a few reasons why I would not be fit to teach my children. The list does go on and on, but I don't want to bore you :)

NOW please don't think I am anti-home schooling. I have a sister, neighbor and sister in law who have done it quite effectively. BUT I am not the right kind of mom to do it. It takes a very special woman to do it...and although I'm special in MANY ways (mostly in the ways of awesomeness!) that is just not one of them.

So to simple answer your question Jessica, No, I do not home school my kids!

How I KNOW it's Monday

It starts out quietly, I'm sleeping, having a dream about being in a singing competition with Brittany Spears and low and behold, she gets disqualified....for lip singing. (Didn't see that one coming!) And then it happens ... the alarm goes off! Push snooze once, irritated because it was so nice to have just turned it off all weekend.

Fall asleep again, this time not long enough to remember a dream before the alarm goes off again! UGH

Small bicker between me and the husband about how he should get out of bed.

And now I'm awake.

Husband hands me the lap top and I check all my blogs and my emails and TRY to stay relaxed. I figure if I ease into the day things will go better. But alas, impossibe!

Shirts are missing, must go for a treasure hunt through the laundry. Kids are up and wanting to eat, but as I enter the kitchen I see that dinner is still on the table! UGH That's what I get for staying upstairs and reading all night directly after dinner. Someone didn't do their chores...

And then it happens. 8:30am. I don't know what it is about this time of the day but it never fails. Every Monday morning at 8:30am they start.

"Give me my car back!"

"Stop touching me!"

"Don't do that, you're going to break it!"

and in perfect three part harmony, "MOM!"

After I hear that three letter word - and the creeping sensation runs through me as though I'd just heard nails scratched against a chalkboard while seeing a nest of spiders sitting on my bed- I KNOW it's Monday!

I am Raising a Future NY Times Best Selling Author

,
Now...it is possible I say this because of her awesome poem that she Wrote...but let's face it ...we all know the truth! She had me "Gnome"!!!

Gnomes by Awesome Daughter Smith

I was in a garden. A gnome looked at me. Then another. Then another. Then all of them looked at me. They looked creepy. Then I looked at them. I thought I was in Hogwarts. But they weren't real gnomes. they were wind-up gnomes that talked. I didn't understand why they were alive. I shouldn't have gone in moms garden anyways.

The End!

Sniff Sniff....***Eyes Glistening and Heart Racing***...isn't she the best daughter ever! (and hahaha Hogwarts!)

Is it Irony or Defiance?

Here I sit ... at my lovely computer desk ... cuddling my 4 year old who is refusing to descend from my lap ... all while staring at this big red book in front of me and trying to decide what my husband's motivation behind reading this book is.

See I have been trying to get my husband to read the Harry Potter series and/or Twilight with no avail. He's seen the movies but that is about as far as he will go. (Ugh...elbow in the rib! Seriously child! Must readjust...) He absolutely refuses to read my "rubbish", although he will admit he likes the movies. And why wouldn't he, they are great movies (Ok so Twilight has some pretty horrible acting and was possibly a little too low budget, but it's a great movie dern it!)

I'll tell him, "Well if you like the movies you should read the books because they are SOOOO much better!"

He ignores me.

So as I sit here and stare at the Harry Potter wanna be book Eldest (the sequel to Eragon) I can't help but wonder WHY he has decided this book is worthy of his reading and the others are not. I mean seriously. Eragon! That movie wasn't even that good!

He says he thought it was....blah...what does he know.

So you tell me, is this situation merely ironic? Or is he just passive aggressively being insanely defiant?

(Well of course I could just ask him...but what fun would that be. Plus he'd just up and say "Neither" cuz he's just blah like that. I think WE can come up with a much better answer here! And considering WE came up with it, it will most definitely be the truth!)

Hey you with your big sword! Having a wand is WAY cooler!

Tour de Chateau Poppins

Welcome to Poppins Palace. Come on in, let me give you a tour! I hope the motes didn't give you too much trouble...we've been working on them all week!

(Don't worry about taking your shoes off at the door, my carpet magically cleans itself every four hours.)

As you walk into the foyer you will see a big winding stair case to your right, a long hallway straight ahead and a den off to your left. Let's start with the den shall we? Great!

In the Poppins den you will see a vast array of bookshelves filled to the brim. You will see one bookshelf dedicated to Harry Potter and the Twilight  *Update* Hunger Games Series. This bookshelf is off limits. Do not touch or remove these books from the shelf or there will be penalties! However...do feel free to peruse the remaining bookshelves, especially the one directly to your left that holds all my published works. I'm so excited that Penguin Books *Update* Harper Teen decided to sign me! (Big Dreams)

As you can see, although it was sunny and warm before you entered my palace, the windows clearly state that it is raining. The weather did not change that quickly. Instead the windows in the den rain on a 24/7 basis to instill a calm and soothing atmosphere perfect for relaxation and reading. This room even smells spring fresh. Breath in a wiff....ahhhhhh....smell the fresh cut wet grass!

Moving along....Yes, I know...I find it hard to leave this room as well.

We will walk directly upstairs now to see the next relaxation room. The stairs were built centuries ago, but don't be nervous, they are very sturdy! I've tripped on them a few times myself through the years. These are unbreakable these stairs are!!!

You are now entering a large studio like room with one small room branching off to the right. As you can see the canopy bed holds at the very minimum 284 pillows (each is ALWAYS cold on both sides...) and has 3 down comforters covering it. For maximum sleeping potential the room becomes a steady 55 degrees every evening and white noise automatically sounds from the speakers above. The room darkens the minute you make contact with the pillows and the sunny windows again turn to rain. Its ingenious I tell you!

To the right you will see the bathroom. Feel free to stop in and take a moment to look around and if you need to use the facilities go ahead. Notice the LARGE whirlpool in the center of the room, complete with waterproof Kindle and surrounding candles. The speaker system has a large library of all music and at least 2494 different play lists to fit each mood. This bathroom is especially spectacular because like the carpets...it cleans itself.

If you would follow me down...hey you...don't you even thinking about stopping on my bed!!! Come now...follow the rest of us. You can grimace all you want, but this is MY palace!

Down the long hallway you will find 3 doors. One leads to a small boring but self cleaning bathroom. It would be ridiculous to walk upstairs every time you needed to go! Plus then you'd be tempted to take another bath and seriously....who needs like 4 baths a day! Talk about the wrinkled fingers!

So to your right is my kitchen. This room is not self cleaning, however it comes with 3 chefs and one maid that cleans up after them. Notice the 32 cupboards which house all my dishes, wine glasses, margarita glasses, martini glasses, etc. as well as the 10 by 10 walk in pantry where I can actually store all my food! Please don't pester the chefs, they are making my lunch!

(Did I mention that not only are they absolutely gorgeous, but they all speak with Brittish Accents as well?)

You'll see the dining area attached to your left here. This dark cherry red wood table is from 17th century and is scratch and stain resistant. Feel free to sit down if you are getting thirsty or hungry. I'm sure my 2nd chef can whip us up some quick cheesecake.

Well now that our bellies are full (who requested the cheese fries again....oh...*blushing* that was me wasn't it) Let us continue to the living room across the hall. OH I know it looks like a movie theater...but look, my computer desk is over there in the corner next to the big comfy couch, so I prefer to call this my living room. I've got connections so I have every movie imaginable, even the ones that just came out in the theater. Here put on these 3D glasses. Let's watch Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince!

Thank you for visiting my happy place. I hope you enjoyed your tour. Please come back for dinner sometime. I taught my chef how to make my Alfredo sauce and I have a vintage 1940's bottle of Merlot in the cellar I've been dying to share! Maybe I can even show you the gardens or the tennis courts out side next time. There just isn't enough time in the day to do the outside AND inside of my happy place :) (Did I mention the pool boys have British accents to go with those rock hard abs too?)

A Devastating Dear John Letter

Dear Alarm Clock,

I'm not sure how to tell you this exactly, but I think it's time we go our separate ways. It's not that you aren't doing your job well or living up the the expectations I have for you. I can say with 100% sincerity that it's not you ... it's me.

I apologize if I have been leading you one. It is possible I have been giving you mixed signals every morning while my fingers gently linger over your big long snooze button. But it's not what you think. I thought you might have caught on that it wasn't endearment when my hand came smashing down on you this morning.

The problem is, I don't like the sounds you make. I've tried putting you at different settings, radio or just noise, and both make me ready to scream.

Maybe it's not the noise itself, but possibly the timing at which you chose to display the sound? In all accounts, I must admit, I'd prefer if you'd just stay silent.

I say this all to you now because I fear our relationship may come to a destructive end if we don't sever all ties soon. I often have visions of taking you out to a field and jumping on you till you are broken into tiny pieces all while listening to loud naughty rap music(like they do to the fax machine in Office Space) And if you knew me as well as I hope you did, you'd know that I'm not a violent person and I prefer to keep my electronics in one piece. However you seem to conjure up a rage inside me that I am afraid to show to the public.

So it is with deep remorse Alarm Clock, that I inform you this morning, I am going to be ripping you out of the wall and shoving you into a big box full of unused electrical items. You'll be happy there, surrounded by all your friends, The Broken Speakers, Old Phones and even a few Electrical Strips might be lingering around. They may not touch your buttons the way I have been doing for these last 9 years, or the way my husband did before that, but nevertheless, they will probably love you more than I do.

I hope there are no hard feelings. I do this out of love and respect.

Sincerely,

Poppins

OK OK...this is just a wishful Dear John Letter...but you have NO IDEA how much I wish I could send it today :)

Hope everyone's morning started out a bit brighter than mine! If you didn't get a chance to see my announcement yesterday look below or feel free to visit my Website www.marybethsmith.com!

Announcement!

As some of you saw on Facebook this weekend (then whined about it when I wouldn't share the news **cough cough Scott cough cough**) I have an awesome announcement to make!

**Trumpets sound as the red carpet rolls out and I walk across it in my slinky silver evening gown to proclaim my wondrous news!!!***

(Reality...I'm sitting at my desk in my pajamas with a hint of lingering morning breath and a couple crusties that I forgot to wipe out of my eye ... but who's worried about details!)

On Friday afternoon, amidst a gloomy day (and we aren't talking about a lack of UV Rays out doors) while my mood was doing the exact opposite of sky rocketing after a long drawn out Grocery Shopping trip with my children ... I got a phone call ...

**Gasps sound across the room **

Was it THE Call?

OMG!!!

Sigh....no...BUT

This call was almost as exciting as THE Call!

My phone call was an invitation to join the Website/Blog of If You Give a Girl a Pen!!!!

Slightly like the story If You Give a Moose a Muffin ...


but closer to the story If You Give a Mouse a Cookie (Considering the height difference and all...)


But with WAY less mess ... unless you consider the red pen that was scratched across my first and second drafts a mess. Cuz it super looked like a mess! ...

So a big thank you to the girls over at If You Give a Girl a Pen for accepting me into their group and for being crazy smart enough to notice my strange awesome writing talents!



Please take a minute to visit their site...and of course follow it since it's another place that you get to read my awesome writing advice! You can welcome me here.

A Smith Family Night Out

One of the websites I belong to, Moms Like Me, had an event yesterday at the Children's Gardens. I thought it would be a wonderful way to spend the evening, plus there was Free ice cream. (or vice versa)

After deciding to stop at Wendy's on the way to the event for dinner (GASP!!! Yes that's correct, I DECIDED to stop at Wendy's all on my own.....well ok, AFTER the "So....what do you want to do for dinner?" conversation. But still! It was my idea!) I got the kids ready to go. I wanted to pretty much walk out the door the minute the husband walked in it. Yesterday was a very dull and uneventful day and I was BORED!

The husband arrived home just as I remembered that I did not print out the directions. Crap! So I rush to the computer ... right after I had just shut down the browser ... and try to open up Mozila. It was like the computer stared right back at me and said "FAIL!" UGH...It took over a minute to get that stupid browser open. I mean didn't it know I was in a hurry???

I finally printed out a map to the place and a map to the suggested parking area and we headed off on our journey.

I should have taken the browser issue as a clue to how the evening might go but ... always the optimist (or something like that) ... I did not.

So Wendy's ... went off without a hitch ... ordered off the dollar menu (trying to be frugal and all) and fed 4 people for $14!!! Who Rocks? Oh yeah ... I do! We sit down, I set my purse on the floor, we eat, we get full, we go pee (avoiding any porta johns later) and we head off towards Free Ice Cream!!! Um ... I mean ... Children's Gardens!!!

This is where it all begins!

Now I must mention that this is all on a College Campus...a LARGE College Campus. Being on a Large College Campus it was not difficult for me (the one who decided I knew where I was going so I better drive) to get lost quite easily. Well ACTUALLY I wouldn't have gotten lost if I wouldn't have listened to my husband who told me I couldn't enter on a road I could enter...but we won't go there. So we looped around the campus one time. Then I said, "Look! See I told you I had to go that way!"

Cricket Cricket

We drive up to the supposed "Free" parking ramp and they are counting down their tills. I double checked and indeed it was Free! YAY! Score another one for Captain Awesome here in the driver's seat!

Um yeah....there's no one in this parking ramp... No moms with crying babies. No toddlers running into the middle of the road. No whining 6 year olds. No one. That's weird! I swear the thing said to park there???

Husband growing skeptical.

So we start walking and I look on the map and I say, "We need to walk back towards where we drove in."

Husband says, "So what you are saying is that we didn't park near the event?"

And I reply, "No, we parked in the FREE Parking ramp."

Husband says, "Are you sure we shouldn't be going THAT way." as he points in the opposite direction.

"Of course not," I said. "The map shows it over THERE!" Duh!!!

Somehow at this point I notice I'm not carrying my purse. I must have left it in the car...no big deal. One less thing to worry about.

So we start walking in my direction ... and walking ... and walking ... and there are no gardens, no children, no babies, no mommies...no one.

Husband nearing full skepticism.

Luckily my dear friend and her family were meeting us there. So I get her on the phone and tell her where we are and, as she laughs at me, she says, "You should have walked in the other direction AND there is tons of parking right here at the event."

Cricket Cricket

How to explain this to VERY skeptical husband ... without receiving the inevitable "I told you so!"

Not possible.

So my little map looks up at me and says "FAIL!" And I looked down at it and say "It's all your fault!"

All points for Captain no longer so Awesome deducted at this time.

So we walk and walk and walk back to the car. As I get into the passenger seat ... because my driving rights had been revoked ... I look down and notice that I did not in fact leave my purse in the car.

Horror rushes through my body.

Wendy's ... Purse on the Floor ... CRAP!!!

"So um..." I begin "I uh...left my purse on the floor at Wendy's"

I think at this point it is safe to assume that my husband has decided I have completely lost my mind and he was probably considering whether or not Bejeweled Blitz does in fact have a diminishing effect on my brain cells.

We get in the car and head to Wendy's ... I call my friend and explain the issue ... I think she may have laughed at me again ... or maybe that was the husband ... or the map ..

THANKFULLY after I retrieved the lost purse that was still on the floor next to our table as a woman looked up at me and gave me that look that said "Crap...that's no good. You should never leave your purse in a fast food restaurant." and I had looked back at her as if to say "Shut up...you've probably done it too!" we arrived safely at the Gardens (after passing by it once because we still didn't quite know where it was) and enjoyed our evening and our Free Ice Cream, oh, and the Gardens.

So I've got these excellent directions and a map to find a treasure on an Island in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. Anyone want to come? I'll navigate!!!

Indecisive Much?

Favorite Scene from The Jungle Book



This is the exact scene that goes on between my husband and I while choosing dinner, evening plans, movies, etc.

We are two of the most indecisive people alive. I had hoped having children would spare us some decision making, especially when it comes to dinner plans.

UNFORTUNATELY the conversation usually ends up like this.

Husband: So um, what's for dinner?

Me: I don't know, what do you want for dinner.

Husband: I don't know, what do you want for dinner.

Me: I don't know, maybe we should ask the kids.

Daughter: I know! Let's go to McDonalds! They have the tiny beanie toys!

Oldest Son: No! We always go to McDonalds. Besides, Burger King has G I Joe toys!

Husband and I Together: We aren't going to a restaurant!

Me: What do you guys want me to MAKE for dinner.

Youngest Son: I want Peanut Butter and Jelly!

Daughter and Oldest Son: NOOOOOO! We had that for lunch.

Sighs echo throughout the room as I turn back to the husband.

Me: So....what are we going to have for dinner!

And the process repeats itself.

I think God thought he was being humorous when he decided to make us a couple. He sure has no shortage of Snarkasm!

On being Cliche'.....

Lately I have often heard the word Cliche' being thrown around. Unfortunately one particular toss of the word was used towards my MS. Not a happy word to me. I decided I wasn't really SURE what exactly the word meant. So I did what any unknowing, uninformed person would do...I Googled it!

Per Wikipedia -

A cliché (US: /klɪˈʃeɪ/ UK: /ˈkliːʃeɪ/, from French), is a saying, expression, idea, or element of an artistic work which has been overused to the point of losing its original meaning or effect, rendering it a stereotype, especially when at some earlier time it was considered meaningful or novel. The term is frequently used in modern culture for an action or idea which is expected or predictable, based on a prior event. It is likely to be used pejoratively. A cliché may sometimes be used in a work of fiction for comedic effect.

Ok...so um...not too happy about it being used towards my book, considering I THOUGHT it was quite the original idea...sigh

But let's make sure I am understanding this word correctly. Here are a few examples I have put together that are "cliche'" with a possible remedy for each.

Cliche' - Driving in the car with children ... them saying "Are we there yet?"

Remedy - I was quite impressed when my children decided to break the mold and instead say "This is taking too long!"

Cliche' - The question given by husbands and children around the globe, "What's for dinner tonight?"

Remedy - This could be easily remedied by just asking, "What can we make you for dinner tonight mom?" See how original that would become!!!

Cliche' - Folding Laundry

Remedy - Ok...so um...there is no remedy just yet for that...BUT there is no denying it's a Cliche' idea!

Cliche' - Having to FORCE my children to clean their rooms

Remedy - Having children that do not make a mess of their rooms and when they do they pick up the toys immediately after.

Cliche' - TV Shows about Doctors and Hospitals

Remedy - TV Show about Dentists! (Capitalize on THAT NBC!!!)

And the number one Cliche' statement used more often than it should...drum roll please...

Cliche' - This is a very subjective business and I am afraid your novel is just not right for us at this time.

Remedy - Please send me your full manuscript along with your prospect advances and we will get your book/movie deal going immediately!

What???? I've got a point, you can't deny it!

But do you see what I see? Sometimes there is no way around what is Cliche'. Sometimes what is Cliche' just happens to be what works. So is it really Horrible that something about my book may or may not be Cliche'?

Another Book Review

... Caution... MIGHT be controversial ... but with love ...

I woke up this morning after dreams of the Priory of Sion, cryptexes and trying to escape from the Louvre. That right kids, I am reading the DaVinci Code.

GASP!!! OH NO!

I think that somehow makes me a bad Catholic? Or is it the fact that I am really enjoying it and I super loved watching the movie last night that brings my faith into question?

POSSIBLY it may have something to do with asking my husband Friday night if he thought anyone would be offended if I brought the book into St. John Vianney's with me during the wedding rehearsal. (At which point I got a look that said, "That better be a rhetorical question!" Which it was...but it was entertaining to see his reaction nonetheless! I should have asked the priest if he'd mind....ok ok...too far I know!)

Well in actuality I don't think that enjoying this book has anything to do with my Faith or how good or bad of a Catholic I may or may not be. I mean let's be frank here (why yes, that is your new name for the moment...ok, well you can be Fred if you really want to!) - so let's be Fred for a moment here....nope...see it doesn't work...sorry - So being frank let me say, Dan Brown is a Darn Freaking Awesome writer! And THAT my friends is why I am enjoying the book so much.

I've seen the beginning of the movie a couple times before but never really found it interesting and always fell asleep, but the moment I started reading that book I was glued. And you can bet I didn't take my eyes off the tv the entire time we watched the movie last night!

Being a writer myself (in theory) I am amazed at how this man can spin his own set of historical facts -that aren't actually facts at all - and make them seem so believable. Amazing I tell you! I truly aspire to be as wonderful and talented as him.

So what is the point of this post do you say? Well as always there is absolutely no point to my post or else that would make this a purposeful blog. I merely just wanted to share my little views on Dan Brown as an author. Regardless of how controversial his books may or may not be, definitely worth reading, ESPECIALLY as an aspiring novelists!

Have you read any of his books? Did you enjoy them? Do you find them as controversial as others say they are?

Don't worry, I will return to my regularly scheduled snarkastic and pointless blogging about mommyhood and wifedom tomorrow :)

How I measure Success - A little question and answer time about my views on success during my writing journey.

Brotherly Love

Every summer each of my children get to spend a week at Grama and Papa's all on their own. A little one on one time with the grandparents for them. A little taste of what it's like to only have two kids for me. My oldest two have already had their weeks and this week it's my baby's turn. (And when I say baby, I mean my four year old who is going on twenty!)

In our kitchen we have a bar-like area as part of our counter top. The kids love it! They each have their own special seat they sit in every time they are up there. After I finished making dinner last night my husband sat down in my oldest son's spot and told him to go sit in my youngest sons since he wasn't there. He pouted but obeyed his daddy and moved to the other end.

After dinner he says to me, "I want my brother to come back home."

I thought, How sweet, he misses his baby brother. His grandparents had said they seemed pretty attached this weekend.

I said, "Oh do you miss him?"

He looks at me like I'm crazy and says, "No, but if he comes home he'll have to sit in his seat. Then I can have mine back."

This is WHY they invented Post-Its!

Advice: Write down Blog Post Ideas!

I literally had about 4 blog post ideas in the last week that came to mind. I jumped with joy and thought, "My readers with LOVE this topic!" and "I'll barely have to put any thought into this post. It will just flow from the heavens through my fingers and the world will sigh in appreciation that I have just written the best blog post ever!"

This actually happens often. Unfortunately these posts ideas come to me at the most inconvenience of times. Like right now when I'm in the middle of another post. Or when I'm JUST about to fall asleep. Sometimes they come to me in the shower. Oh oh ... or in the car! (Or while my husband insists on talking to me while I am mid thought...but of course this NEVER happens)

So needless to say, the worlds best blog post ideas disappear ... as though they never existed. It is a tragedy I tell you!

Remedy: Post-Its



I'm considering carrying a packet of them at all times. I can write down an idea and I can stick it to my forehead and hope my head absorbs the idea fully and never forgets it...Ever! Oh...what is that? That's not the point of Post-Its? I can actually post them on my wall or my desk and it has the same effect? Sweet! Even better!

Post-Its my friends....Post-Its!

Am I a Genius or what! What? Ok ok...we can give credit to the guy who invented them too...

It's that kind of Thursday....sigh...

It's Thursday...that is...It's A Massive "I need to clean my house and fold the laundry and I have no excuses other than my kids are fighting...wait... no... they are getting along (CRAP) and I have no excuses other than...CRAP AGAIN I have no excuses as to why I don't have the time to do it all Thursday"

So I shall be spending the day catching up on some massive cleaning today because well...although my house "looks" spectacular...in the corners and crevices there are little crumbs and dust and possibly a little piddle around the toilets that super needs to be removed. Sigh...

And the laundry...ahh the blessed (ok well that wasn't QUITE the word I was looking for) laundry. Fold Fold Fold till the cows come home.

Might as well add in a lovely 5 course dinner for my husband tonight because I am gonna go all domestic on this bizach and he'll think I'm from colonial times with how perfect and organized his abode is when he gets home.

Ya know what....I MIGHT even shower before 11 today. (That's a big might kids, let's not go over board)

So this is what I will be doing today while you are all missing me for the ...what is it now? Third Day? in a row on the internet. If anyone has ANY excuses as to why I should NOT be able to clean my house and fold laundry and cook big fantastic meals today PLEASE feel free to leave them in the comments. Excuses are highly encouraged!

And what are your plans on this horrible ... I mean Lovely Thursday?

Big Perks come in Little Packages

Yesterday I touched on all the reasons I dislike looking like I'm 15. (AKA being really small) I accidentally made a few people feel kinda bad for me. Totally not necessary...because.....

Today I will head the opposite way and point out all my Favorite things about being half the size of a normal human.....right after I point out one more of my least favorite things that I totally dislike the most...I can never reach anything!!!! I always need a stool. Ok now that I have that off my chest.

My Top 10 Favorite things about being Tiny and looking Young

1. I get to shop in the kids section. Do you know what that means? Any clothing or shoes purchased in the mini me sections are only a fraction of the price that big people clothing is. SCORE!

2.I never have to duck. (Side thought....Hercules..."Hey Phil, I got two words for you! DUCK!" ...hahahaha...sorry) When a doorway is small or a bar is in the way normal sized people always have to duck. Me? I just keep on walking!

3. I have never had to deal with dating a boy that was shorter than me. This has come in handy. There would be the sweetest boys and they would always be passed over because they were too short. This was never a problem for me.

4. I'm compact. I don't have to worry about sitting in the back seat because I can't fit or squishing between a chair and the wall because there isn't enough space. I can fit pretty much anywhere.

5. People think I'm cute. Despite how much I dislike the word, one little flash of my cute tiny smile and people are Jell-O in my hands. And everyone likes Jell-O!

6.I have little feet! This is something about my size that I adore. Do you know how cute little shoes are? I've gone shopping with friends and they will look at super cute shoes and put them on their big ol feet and they just don't look right. But take that shoe and shrink it down about 5 sizes and it's the Perfect shoe! That's right, call me Cinderella and hand me over my dang glass slipper baby!

7. It's ok to go to the midnight showing of Harry Potter because I look like I'm 15 anyway. I totally fit in and no one thinks twice about it! Same goes for New Moon! (Of course while linking to it I did have to take a moment and watch the trailer again...sigh...)

8. I have to admit, I do enjoy being told I look like a Pixie. Tinkerbell is pretty sweet! Although I would be a bit happier with wings and some Pixie Dust...

9. I never get in anyone's way ... so it's not really inconvenient for me to shove to the front of a crowd and be in the front row without really bothering anyone. After all, everyone can see over me anyway!

10. Although not being able to reach things does suck, it can be most convenient. Example: At a grocery store you see hot yummy man standing next to the tomato paste. Now everyone KNOWS the tomato paste is too high for us short chicks...so SADLY you HAVE to ask the hot yummy man to reach it for you. Perfect flirting tactics. Granted it is not a tactic used these days and hopefully he doesn't really think I'm only 15 because then he's not even going to bother looking at me for fear of looking like a pedophile, but you get the point :)

See it's not all that bad to be little!

Not so "Fun Sized"

There are some people out there that look much older than they are. *cough cough my husband cough cough* You know the ones... those who don't even get carded on their 21st birthday, who go to the casino and just walk right past the guards, and the ones whose hair begins to gray and thin before the age of 30. We all know a few or more people like that. When we are young we envy them, as we get older we start to pity them just a tiny bit.

But then there are those like me! Forever stuck at the age of 15. Where is my pity? Instead I get comments like, "You'll love it when you get older!" and "You're so cute!" I swear I am to the point that if I get called "cute" one more time I may just turn into a rabid little beast and tear someone's head off vomit.

Here are the main 3 of the reasons WHY I look like I'm merely 15....

1. I'm under 5ft!

2. I have the figure of a 12 year old who has just "started" developing! That's right kids, break out the band-aids, the mosquito bites need to be covered up!

3. My face looks like a landing strip for a drunken pilot. Little red dots cover half the surface and refuse to disappear. Just when I think my face has cleared up little Susie Pimple rears her ugly red head and refuses to go away until at leas 5 more have taken her place!

Here are the top 10 reasons I despise these "cute" little features

1. It is not enjoyable to be asked 4 months after having a baby, "Oh how old is she?" and after answering then asked (in the same annoyingly cutesy voice) "And how old is mama?" Seriously! Have we no tact people!!! I'm not 13 year old baby's mama!!! Do you not see the ring on my finger!

2. When going to a Casino where the legal age is 18 and you are 27, it is quite irritating to be stopped while walking up to a set of Nickle Slots just to have my ID checked.

3. I'm not sure why it is necessary to be carded for a mere bottle of NICE red wine while standing in line with 3 cranky kids all calling me "Mommy" and trying to fuss with a bunch of grocery bags. I mean really. I know anyone who looks "Under 30" is suppose to be carded, but do I really look like I started having babies at the age of 12? And why would someone under age bother to buy a NICE bottle of wine. Don't they always go for the Boonsfarm?

4. As much as I think having a cute little voice is enjoyable, I do not enjoy being asked if my mother is home when I answer the phone. (Unless it 's a telemarketer. Then I just say no and hang up!)

5. Since my husband does happen to look at least 5 years older...I have a feeling that he does not always like to look like the dirty old man dating the 15 year old. But that's just an assumption!

6. After the 2,510th time...I have slightly become resentful of the statement "You don't LOOK old enough to have 3 kids." Sigh....Does the fact that I FEEL 42 play into this equation at all?

7. Teachers treat you just like the students. They do not take you seriously and think that since you "Don't LOOK old enough to have 3 kids" you must have gotten pregnant at 13 and don't know what the heck you are talking about.

8. Although it is cheaper to shop in the children's section...eyes do tend to linger when I have my 8 year old in tow and I buy the Tinkerbell shirt for me and not her.

9. The joke that I could "technically" get handicapped parking if only I was a 1/2 inch shorter because then I could be considered a midget...not really funny.

10. Cute...Seriously...Cute! Can't they come up with any other word? Do you think a 28 year old woman in high heels, thick make up and a low cut shirt is looking to be called Cute? Yeah, me either!

Ok I'll stop with my ranting. Maybe tomorrow I'll name all the reasons I ENJOY being a tiny cute little woman who looks 15....

And I thought I was the Creative Writer

Driving to pick up my husband from my in laws yesterday, my children attempted to do everything in their power to drive me up a wall. But I was prepared!!! Comments like "He's touching me!", "She looked at me!", "Why is it taking so long?" and ridiculous giggles, whining and screaming were easily drowned out when I cranked up the radio and started singing at the top of my lungs. My Sunday morning would be peaceful one way or another.

The ride went smoothly up until the very end as we were pulling into the town where my husband grew up. Suddenly my youngest son burst into tears. Something about "He smasomsooed me..." yeah, I didn't quite get it either. BUT jumping in to save the day was my glorious daughter.

She said, "You have to stop crying because I have a story to tell you!" She is famous for making up spur of the moment stories.

He didn't buy it...the tears kept flowing.

"But it's a really good story," she reasoned with him.

"It's a about a Penguin, a Tomato, and Electricity."


He was silenced.

As was I...

*** UPDATE - See comment section for actual story ***